Thoughts and Comments Part 3

From My Journal 

Anybody for Roasted Goat?

December 2005

     Well, like the headline said, “Vandals Burned Christmas Goat, Again.” Not a headline you see every Christmas. Let me explain. In a town in central Sweden, notice they don’t want to be identified, they have a tradition of building a 43-foot high straw Christmas goat. I’m not sure this is at all biblical. It also seems to be a tradition that someone sets the goat on fire and burns the thing. In the last 40 years, only 10 goats have survived past Christmas Day. Very seldom is the vandal or vandals caught, because it seems that many of these tricky Swedes are wearing Father Christmas masks. One exception was in 2001 when the vandal turned out to be a 51-year-old guy from Cleveland, which pretty much explains his problem. It’s rumored that this guy was given the choice of spending 18 days in jail, or eating some lutefisk. He took the jail time.

Traffic Hazards

April 2006

     The supermarkets have come up with a new way to terrorize shoppers, or at least some of us shoppers. Now, instead of having little kids safely ensconced in their mother’s shopping carts and out from underfoot, they each have their own little shopping cart.

Today was a good example of the results of this new system. There was a young mother pushing a shopping cart, followed by four little shopping carts, partially loaded, and being pushed by four little kids. Two of the kids were bawling their eyes out because the other two were trying to run them down with their own shopping carts. All four had runny noses, which did nothing to help the traction on the floor for us serious shoppers. Each little cart was partially loaded with stuff and each new addition was the start of a new loud argument between the mother and kid.

I’m going to share with this particular supermarket a new idea, which I came up with while waiting for this particular side-show to get out of my way for the 5^th time.

At the door, instead of miniature shopping carts, each parent with a kid, or kids, will be issued the appropriate number of leashes and gags. 

If It’s Not One Thing It’s Another Hedgehog

September 2006

     For those following the English hedgehog dilemma, you will be glad to know that the situation seems to have been resolved. The problem was brought on by the cups McDonald’s was using for their McFlurries, whatever that is. It seems that the opening of these cups was large enough for the hedgehogs to put their heads in, but not to get them out again. English hedgehogs are not known for their high IQs.

The hedgehogs were putting their heads in these cups to lick up whatever the McDonald customers had left before throwing their cups someplace where the spiny little animals could get their paws on them. Now McDonalds is making a smaller opening on these cups so the hedgehogs can’t get their heads in and thus can’t get stuck. Of course they can’t get any more McFlurry leftovers either. I wonder if anyone asked the hedgehogs. An even simpler solution would be for the British to stop throwing their McFlurry cups higgledy-piggledy all over the countryside.

Goat Stealing Made Easy

November 2007

If a person is going to steal goats, Australia is a tough place to do it. A person stole an Australian goat and hauled it into a church and performed some kind of satanic ritual with the smelly beast. The goat didn’t survive that triumph. And the court, now listen to this, made the person say they were sorry, not only to the goat owner, but also to the church. WOW! That should keep them from ever doing that again! The news article mentioned that some imbibing of alcoholic beverages had been going on before this goat rustler pulled this stunt.

HOLY FLYING COWS BATMAN!!

Sure enough, in none other than central Washington, around Chelan to be exact, a cow dropped out of the sky and landed on the hood of a car that was carrying a couple someplace. The car’s occupants were not injured, but the cow was not so lucky. It seems that the cow had actually fallen off a two hundred foot cliff.

Ah Nuts!!

A man, once again in Washington (what’s going on up there), Southworth to be exact, was trying to get the lug nuts loose on a wheel of his Lincoln Continental. Not successful using the normal lug wrench, he got his 12-gauge shotgun and tried to blast the nuts loose. Instead, he got ricocheted buckshot in himself from his chin to his feet, most of it below his waist. He did loosen some nuts, but not necessarily the ones he was pointing the shotgun toward. The report said that he wasn’t intoxicated. Too bad! At least he would have had an excuse.