My Old Kentucky Home - - Blog 3 

Excerpts from My Journal

Shopping In Kentucky

September 2009

     The last time I was sent to the grocery store I had on my list “fresh organic basil.” Now basil is, according to Wikipedia, “any of several aromatic herbs (genus Ocimum) of the mint family.” Now that we have that cleared up, let’s get on with it. It looks like most any other weed that a person might find clogging up his garden, lawn, pasture, or whatever. The main difference is that at some point someone took a fancy to the way this stuff tasted and put it in a recipe, and there you go.

This fresh basil comes in a little plastic package that was designed by the people who did Fort Knox. And checking the price on the basil I can see that they are protecting a very valuable commodity. Now my instructions said “organic”, so I made sure that the label said “organic” and snatched up a package of this stuff. Close inspection led me to believe this basil had been harvested by some farmer kicking it loose with the side of his shoe, then kicking it over to the truck that hauled it to wherever it got packaged. In other words it was pretty beat up. 

Now I’ve looked at enough organic produce to know that most of it has this same look, at least here and in Wisconsin. Like it was picked and packaged by a herd of very casual baboons. Why it has to look that way I don’t know. I’ve seen organic produce in Portland markets that looked great, almost good enough to eat, so I have to assume that the Kentucky Kroger market is a place for these “Organic Farmers” to unload their 2nds. Oh well, just one of the prices one pays for living in Kentucky. 

More Kentucky Shopping

I’ve read and heard drivers talk about the lightning reflexes needed to drive the Indy 500, the nerve to handle a Le Mans, or the endurance to last through the Baja 1000. These drivers wouldn’t last ten minutes at Kroger’s on the Old-Codgers-Discount-Day just before Labor Day weekend. The competitors come in all different sizes and shapes. From little old grannies screaming up and down the aisles, trying to see with their coke-bottle spectacles, shod in racing-stripped Nikes, to 300-pound guys riding those little motorized shopping carts they supply for people who can’t ambulate well.

And then there are the tandem teams, which usually consist of a man driving while the lady throws stuff in the cart and shouts directions, ostensibly because the man’s at least partially deaf. Chugging past the end of an aisle he says, “You don’t need anything down that aisle.” She replies, “How do you know that? I’m sure I could find something down that aisle that I could need.” And down the aisles she goes. Two aisles later, the man looks around to see why his wife is not answering his questions, ostensibly because she’s at least partially deaf, and he finds that she has disappeared. Not believing in the Secret Rapture, at least for her, he retraces his steps to find his lost wife. 

 Most of these people are very label conscious, for two reasons: one economic, and the other health. Of course, it takes time to read and decipher these labels, then decide if this particular company has lied to them before. That they are parked smack dab in the center of the aisle is not a consideration, at least for them. They discuss the merits of ten different coffee creamers before finally choosing one. That they have nothing else to do this day is obvious.  

In the meantime most people, seeing my shoes smoking and the wheels on my shopping cart glowing a dull pink, tend to move out of the way. The whole experience is rather entertaining if a person maintains a certain attitude.

There Should Be A Place For People Like This

 

Today I had to stop at a local store to pick up some envelopes for CMDAD use. I also picked up two large bags of animal cookies for Lorraine. When I got up to the checkout counter I was behind a lady and her three school age, but less-than-teenage, children. She only had a few items in her basket, but as they were being scanned, one kid decided he wanted a drink. Luckily there was a drink cabinet right beside the checkout counter so he was able to grab one, but then decided it was the wrong one. By the time he had selected one that looked like something he wanted he had cooled on the drink idea and decided on a candy bar instead.

His younger sister then came on line and decided she needed one also. So the mother sent all three off to pick out candy. She on the other hand, found out that the size on one of her purchases was wrong, so went flying off to exchange it. By now the clerk was finished scanning and was waiting for this family to get its act together. All three kids came back with large Hershey bars. As the clerk was scanning these the sister pointed out that the younger brother’s bar had almonds in it. This seemed to disturb everyone, especially the younger brother, who was evidently allergic to almonds. The girl seemed to really enjoy bringing this information to the attention of everyone in that area of the store. By this time the mother had returned and insisted that the younger son go and get a bar that didn’t have almonds. So the two brothers went galloping off, but soon returned, and the older brother announced that the original bar really didn’t have almonds in it at all, and he proceeded to dress down the sister for, what he felt, was maliciously causing problems based on manufactured pretenses.  

Just before the brothers came back with this news, the mother decided she had time to run back and pick out another piece of clothing for one of the kids. She went roaring off. At this point I looked at my watch to see how long it would be before she returned. It took her 7.5 minutes. Now that is not usually a life-threatening amount of time, but when standing in line with nothing to do except observe this family, as entertaining as this proved to be, it seemed much longer. As soon as the three candy bars had been scanned, they were unwrapped and commenced to disappear down the gullets of these three kids. The bars were not the biggest slabs of chocolate I’ve ever seen, but if these bars had been put side by side they would have provided shade for my Honda. At the end of the 7.5 minutes the mother returned with the garment, got it scanned, and after rummaging around in a massive handbag, found a card of some sort and paid for her purchases. 

In all this she didn’t act like she was aware that there was a line of people waiting for and observing her.