They Might Not Be In Favor Of Gun Control  -  or  -  Don't Mess With Old People, Especially If They're Armed

     If an older couple asks you why you're stealing their stuff, it might be best if you politely tell them you've made a mistake and leave-----without their stuff. The following incident lends credibility to this advice.

     An Albuquerque couple found a burglar loading a generator, power tools, and other items of theirs into his SUV. The couple asked the burglar what he was doing but being they were 70 and 66 years old, the burglar ignored them. This anti-social behavior was not acceptable to the couple.

     The husband grabbed a shotgun, and the wife got a handgun and held the burglar at gunpoint until the police arrived. I'm just guessing this couple would not vote for gun control.

     The burglar had gotten out of jail earlier that day.

   

Are They or Aren't They?

     One of the age-old relationship questions that most people face at some time during their life goes like this; "Is this person someone I want to spend the rest of my life with?" There is no clear-cut formula to help with an answer. However, a person can look for little clues, like; is the person purposing, kneeling in the middle of a busy freeway and stopping traffic while trying to make this romantic moment as dramatic as possible?
    As reported by the AP; Michelle found herself in this exact predicament. Her boyfriend, Vidal, was down on one knee proposing to her, and this was happening in the middle of Interstate 45, in or near Houston, Texas. The proposal was accompanied by the blaring of horns and shouts from onlookers. I'm guessing not all the shouted comments could be used in print.
     Now Michelle had a choice to make. "Is this guy the person I want to be the father of my children?
     I think any doubt she may have had was justified.
     It turns out that beside being dumb, Vidal's actions of obstructing a roadway is a Glass B misdemeanor, punishable by up to six months in jail and a fine of up to $2,000.
     A small price to pay for a memorable proposal?
     Maybe.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS RUN AMUCK - PART I

Trending AOL ran an article with this title - 

'Politically incorrect' Georgia welcome sign stirs up major controversy.

     What are they talking about? Recently the Harris County, Georgia, sheriff put up a sign that says;

Welcome to Harris County, Georgia! WARNING: Harris County is politically incorrect. We say: Merry Christmas, God Bless America and In God We Trust; We salute our troops and our flag. If this offends you.....Leave!

     Now like most current journalism, the article hints that these actions are politically incorrect, but does not inform us as to who finds this sign offensive, or why they find this sign offensive..

     And neither do they explain what the "major controversy" is or who feels it is such. Evidently, they would just like us to take their word for it. Otherwise, we are left to think for ourselves. So what are we to make of this "major controversy?" Let's take the sign in small bites.

Merry Christmas - controversial?  Why should it be? If you don't like the phrase, don't feel that for some reason you need to use it. Fortunately, everyone in this country can choose to use the phrase or not use the phrase. There's no controversy involved unless you're the kind of person who thinks that everyone should believe or act like you do.

God Bless America - controversial?   Maybe so if you don't believe in God, or America. Lucky for you, in this this America you're allowed to dislike one of both. This, however, doesn't give you the privilege of keeping me from having my preferences. 

The phrase "In God We Trust" - controversial? - I bet the people who might object to this phrase have no problem spending the paper money this phrase appears on.

Saluting Our Troops - controversial?  If you don't feel like saluting our troops, don't, but please don't take it out on the troops or don't ridicule or disparage me when I salute them. 

Saluting The Flag - controversial?  I don't see why it should be. If you don't like what the flag stands for and the country it represents, I can't imagine why you would want to hand around and take advantage of the relative freedom and economic wellbeing you enjoy in the country the flag represents.

     Are we to assume, (and I think that's what this news blurp is hinting at) that to avoid a "major controversy" we avoid using any of the above phrases or actions because it might offend somebody?

     My question is; Are those offended going to be as careful not to offend others? And where will this all end? I believe that as the song says, "It's only just begun." Why? Because ever slogan, every action, everything is offensive to somebody, and in today's world everyone has a voice that can be heard by millions.

     How did we git so screwed up?                         

As If We Didn’t Have Enough To Worry About – Part I 

                Just about the time we think we can relax, along comes something else to get our adrenaline pumping.

     The latest thing is a bug. That’s right. A bug. Or a group of related bugs. These insects are known as triatomine bugs, or their common name, ‘kissing bugs.’ These bugs tend to bit their victims on the face or lips. Friendly little things, huh?

     The problem is that their bit can transfer to the victim a parasite that causes Chagas disease. These parasites attack the tissue and muscles in the body.

     How do you know if you’ve contracted the disease? This report says that about 8 million people who have it don’t know they have it.

     Formally a south-of-the-border problem, it seems that the bug is now moving north and can be found in many southern states.

     So now you have something else to worry about. And your dog should also worry, for they can get ‘kissed’ and contract the disease.

     You can thank me---if  you survive.

As If We Didn’t Have Enough To Worry About – Part II

   

                 This thing to worry about is sort of a good news, bad news thing.

     In the last several weeks we’ve had two E. coli outbreaks. One at Chipolte Mexican Grills, and the other at Costco. It’s a typical outbreak where a number of people have gotten sick after eating or after eating food bought at these places.

     I’ve not heard that anyone died from these outbreaks, but a number of people are, or were, or will certainly be uncomfortable. That’s the bad news.

     Now the good news, well I may be the only one who has this view. Why? It seems that the food carrying the E.coli in both cases was some kind of produce. In the case of Costco, it seems to be celery. So my conclusion is that I should, if I’m really concerned for my health and general well being, abstain from raw vegetables, at least the ones I don’t particularly care for.

When A Lick's Not As Good As A Promise
     For me the following story is not about the story, but how behavior this weird gets started. 
     A Houston police officer pulled over a female motorist and then asked to lick her feet or in lieu of that, she could give him her underwear.
     Okay, strange, but he did ask and he did give her a choice. At least he was reasonable and polite. It could have been worse for the motorist.
     However it gets a little sticker as he said that if she would permit him to lick her feet or leave with her underwear he would ignore the marijuana paraphernalia in her car. Evidently, when she refused he changed him mind about the paraphernalia and let her go.
     He was arrested, charged with 'Official oppression,' and sentenced to one year in jail.
     So what prompts a guy to try something this bizarre? Had he tried it before with some success? Are there some ladies out there saying, "You mean all I had to do was say, 'No?'"
     At least the guy was polite.
     But some questions do spring to mind.
     Like where did he learn that he liked licking feet? I mean, that's not something a person would accidentally do and say, "Wow, that's neat, I'd like to do that again."
     And why the feet?
     Was he torn between what he really wanted to lick and what he thought he could get permission to lick?
     But to trade a lick for underwear? What's that about?
     To me, how something this bizarre gets started is a conundrum. It reminds me of a number of early Central and South American tribes who discovered that the secretions of certain frogs would kill other humans, or animals. So they started smearing some of this secreted stuff on their arrows to improve the success rate of their hunting. They also found out that a small amount was hallucinogenic and would give them visions and a generally happy time. 
     So imagine when the first guy licks a frog (And that brings up a whole set of new questions), and falls over dead. Is the reaction of the rest of the tribe to look at their dead friend and say, "Wow, I need to try that?" It's hard to imagine. 
     Then after four or five people die, one person only has the nerve to do a little lick, and instead of dying has a vision and exclaims, "Wow, you need to try this!" So how many people died before they figured out the difference between a lethal lick and a vision lick? Maybe that's why many of those tribes just disappeared.
     Like I said, to me it's a conundrum. 

How To Entertain an Owl
     A man in a Seattle park was attacked by an owl, or at least the man felt talons on the back of his head. Maybe his hairdo looked like a big mouse or something. Anyway, this man made the mistake of running and screaming, while the owl continued to chase him.
     And no wonder, if an owl can make something that outweighs it by about 1,000 times run and scream why not. Where else is an owl going to get that kind of cheap entertainment.
     The report says that the man was able to get away. Duh! How many owl attack fatalities have there been in the world over the past fifty years anyway?
     This man reported a small cut on his head. I'm surprised he even reported the incident. Most of us would be embarrassed to make such a fuss over a neat, if unusual, adventure.
     According to the report, there have been other owl attacks in this same park. And why not? This owl has found a fun thing to do, so Seattle residents can expect it to continue seeking similar entertainment. 

If At First, Second, Third, or Fourth You Don't Succeed, Maybe You Should Try Something Different

     And then there is the report of a young man in Florida who drove a stolen car to the police station to pick up court papers relating to a previous car theft he was evidently being charged with. In this guys pocked they found the keys to yet another stolen car. That car was located a block away from the police station. So that's three cars. The report states that in another stolen car that the police recovered, (that makes four,) police found court papers relating to the first car this two-legged crime wave had liberated, so I'm guessing they're assuming he had at one time stolen this fourth car also.
     The report was a little vague and written in a slapdash fashion.
     So, we have this young man who stole four cars and evidently didn't make any money for his efforts, plus got caught four different times. So right away we know this guy's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, or just does not have the aptitude for this kind of career. The problem as I see it, is that there is no entrance exam for would-be car thieves. If there had been, this person could have been counseled to pick another career where his lack of ethics, inability to envision himself ever getting caught, and his natural talent for sneaky behavior could be put to better use---say like politics.

Doesn’t Everyone Have a Few Knives in The House?

    A Florida woman was on probation when she slashed a neighbor’s window screen. The neighbor complained and when the police came and knocked on her door she barricaded the door and refused to let them in. In the process, she lunged at an officer with something sword like. He escaped injury.

    It took officers five hours to get her out of her house, well, mobile home. When they got inside there were surprised to fine several knives, swords, and other bladed weapons. But the big surprise came when they started to count these sharp-edged instruments. There were 3,714 of the things. Now I don’t know the size of the mobile home, but 3,714 bladed weapons would not leave much room for living.

    Along with all the sharp things, they found booby traps, some fake skeletons, and fake severed limbs.

    This is all interesting but leaves me with one question. Why did it take five hours to get into a mobile home?

     

A Spider Could Be the Death of You     
     If you were filling your car with gas and you saw a spider hanging around the cap to your filler pipe, what would you do?
     1. Say, "Well, that's interesting, and go on about your business, allowing the spider to do the same?
     2. Take of your shoe and try to whack the spider, even though it had done nothing to you, so far?
     3. Run around the gas pumps, flapping your arms and screaming, "Spider! Spider!"
     4. Or, take your lighter and try to torch the spider?
     Well, a man in Michigan decided to try the lighter method. Flames started from the side of the car, ran along the pavement, and finally got to the gas pump, where things started to get serious. Luckily, an alert clerk inside the store shut off the pump and called the fire department. The report doesn't say, but if the clerk was smart, he then left for the next county.
     The man suffered no injury, the car suffered only a little damage, but the gas pump was destroyed.
     Once again it has come to our attention that gas and fire are not a good combination. I thought this concept was universally acknowledged, but evidently not.
     I was disappointed that the report didn't even mention how the spider fared.

It Could Be Worse

     We did a couple performances in the West Virginia town of Beckley. It was a mining town, so our biggest audiences were on Sundays as this was the only day the miners didn't have to work. 
     The town was covered in black coal dust. Even after they washed they had this black cast to them, as if the coat dust was ingrained in their skin.  
     One afternoon after a performance, Ed was in one of these low moods. He went to a local bar, and was sitting there staring at his drink when a miner stepped up to him, grabbed his drink, and gulped it down in one swig.
     The miner then sneered, "What're ya gonna do about it?"
     At that point Ed began to cry.
     The miner's mood changed abruptly.
     "Hey man, don't cry. I didn't think you'd try. I can't stand to see a man cry."
     Ed then explained, "This has been a terrible day. To start, I muffed my lines at the show this afternoon and will probably get fired. This morning I left my wallet in the dab, and when I got it back all my money was gone. I got a call from my wife and she wants a divorce. Then she told me that our dog died."
     Thne Ed explained to this hulking miner that he bought some arsenic and had come to this bar to kill himself. He had put the arsenic in his drink.
     Then Ed said, "But enough about me, how's your day going?" 

Not a Cotton Pickin Thing
     In a small town outside of Chicago, we had finished a matinee and had been invited to dinner in the next town. There were two carloads of us. Three of us were riding with a grandmotherly lady who was an aunt of some such of our hosts.
     As we were driving along she needed something out of the glove box. While she was rummaging around in there, I noticed a large pistol. Somewhat surprised I said, "I see you have a pistol handy."
     She replied, "I wouldn't be without it."
     Something mader me ask, "Do you have any other guns?"
     "Oh yes," she said reaching under her seat where she pulled out another pistol.
     She reached in her purse and pulled out yet another handgun.
     I was astounded, "Lady, what are you afraid of?"
     "Not a cotton picking thing."
 

From Uncle Vellanoff's Journal

Funny How That Worked Out

     The troupe played the Old Majestic Theater in Fort Worth, Texas, for three weeks. Shortly after we moved on, that theater burned to the ground. I’m almost positive that there was no connection between that event and our having been there.

    Just after we started in Fort Worth we begin missing equipment. Nothing that was of much value, but it was irritating to come up to a performance and find that a prop was missing. For example, the show had a juggling act, and one night just before he went on, instead of having five pins to juggle he only had four. The act was sort of lame without that fifth pin.

    Nearly every night it was the same. After four performances got messed up, several of us decided to do something about it. The police weren’t interested in pursuing our problem as there was nothing missing that had much value.

    One evening after our performance, three of us stayed in the prop room. Jack was in a closet, I was behind a rack of costumes, and Jerry was inside a wardrobe trunk.

    About three in the morning we heard the prop room door open and a shadowy form came creeping in. It was a man, or at least someone dressed in trousers and a jacket. The individual rummaged around the room some, and then picked up an elaborate headdress one of our dancers used for one of her numbers, put it in a big bag, and headed for the door.

    He had to come past me to get out of the room, so I jumped out and yelled, “What are you doing?”

    He was obviously startled, especially when Jack and Jerry came out of hiding. The intruder dropped the headdress, and made a dash for the door. Since I was in the way he knocked me on my backside and ran out. The three of us were right behind him.

He dashed out onto the stage, stumbled over a prop, and went head first into the orchestra pit. When we got down to him, he was on his feet, but just barely. He obviously had a broken arm, and was bleeding from a cut on his head, where he had used it to smash up a music stand.

We helped him out of the orchestra pit up onto the stage, and started toward the back door where we had a car. On the way off the stage he caught his foot in a coil of rope used to raise and lower a stage light. This pulled the rope loose, which released the heavy light. Just before it hit the stage the light clipped him on the side of the head and shoulder. It didn’t cut his ear clear off, but close enough to start more blood flowing from his head, then it dislocated his shoulder.

By this time, he was screaming with the pain. We tore off his shirt and had him hold it to his ear and the other cut on his head to help control the bleeding. He was a mess.

Once out the back door, we were going down the three steps to the parking lot. Our intruder tripped and fell down the steps landing on one knee, which nearly tore off one pant leg. The knee was bleeding and he was limping.

Nothing more happened besides the intruder getting his hand caught in the door as we were putting him in the car. He swore like a sailor. We thought it was an overreaction, but later found out that the door broke three of his fingers.

Luckily, the police station was only a block away. Otherwise, the guy could really have gotten injured, being so clumsy and all.

Word got around that it was not a good idea to mess with our troupe, so we had no further trouble with missing props, or come to think about it, anything else. Funny how that worked out.

Philosophy 101

This sounds like something we would have studied in philosophy class. Well, what others might have studied, I have to admit that I didn’t study much for philosophy class. I couldn’t see the point.

    But the question today is this:  Is it okay to speed in order to get to court in time to take care of a speeding ticket? A conundrum? Perhaps. Although the state police officer who stopped this Vermont driver doing 112 mph on the Interstate didn’t have a problem deciding what to do. The driver has been charged with “excessive speeding and negligent operation,” according to the AP report.

Heads Up - Incoming Brisket

    What happens when you hit someone with a hot brisket? Or to be more specific, what happens if you do this in Kentucky? It so happens that you get charged with misdemeanor of wanton endangerment.

    How do we know this? It happens that two people were sharing a cooker at the Central Kentucky State Barbecue Festival. Evidently there was some disagreement, and one contestant threw a hot beef brisket at his fellow contestant and hit her on the head and shoulder. The brisket was estimated to be between 200 and 250 degrees. That’s hot beef. We don’t know what damage was sustained by the person hit.

    Now, in Kentucky this guy is lucky his thrown brisket didn’t hit a racehorse. For that, he would have been charged with something far worse than a little old misdemeanor.

Where's a Preacher When

You Need One

From Uncle Vellanoff's Journal

(Editor’s note:  After reading some of Uncle Vellanoff’s journal, I’ve concluded that he was a believer in God, but had a somewhat cavalier attitude toward organized religion. He saw the humor in some of the practices of people who claimed to be “religious.” I present the following entry from his journal feeling sure he would not have meant to offend anyone.)

Another experience that I had when we were playing in Madison, Wisconsin: several of us were invited to the house of an admiring farm couple of some means. These folks had seen the show several times and had brought the kids to an afternoon matinee the day before.

The excuse for the invitation was Sunday dinner, few of which we passed up as we were staying in Mrs. Olsen’s boarding house at the time and the food there was - - well, we were glad for the invite. When dinner was ready we were all asked to gather around the table. There were the two adult hosts, their three kids, and us three actors, one of which was our leading lady.

I suppose that you have noticed that anytime there is a meal anyplace close to where a preacher is present, that same preacher is asked to pronounce the blessing on and give thanks for the upcoming meal. (No pun intended.) The giving thanks part, at that early point in the proceedings, always seemed a little premature to me, but who am I to know about these ecclesiastical things.

These folks, not having a preacher handy, fell back on the next best thing, that being one of us three actors. Why folks always confuse a person’s being able to quote twenty-five straight minutes of Shakespeare with his closeness to God is something I don’t understand, but it happens every time. As the other male actor was somewhat in his cups already that day, and of course the female actor could not be trusted to approach the Deity with so serious a matter, (she was wearing makeup), they fell upon me with their request to do the formalities.

When you’re sitting at someone else’s table that is loaded down with a roast turkey and all manner of other stuff, it is hard to refuse such an appeal. When I acquiesced, I thought I heard a low moan from the three kids. They might have been remembering the twenty-five minutes of Shakespeare. I’m sure you’re wondering where someone with my limited English came up with the word “acquiesced?” Well, one day - - you’re not? Okay, but it was a good story, still is! Maybe another time.

My mind raced back to the blessing/thanks that I had heard given just the previous Sunday and I quickly decided to use what I could remember from it. It started with, and I’m just hitting the high spots here: “Dear Lord and Creator of all mankind. Thou who created all the earth with it’s bountiful harvest of all good things and Thou who watches over all Thy creatures,” with the possible exception of the turkey present and “Thou who resides above the starry skies and has the working of the universe in the palm of Thy hands.” Well, I figured that the addressee already knew His address and job description and I wasn’t sure that he would want to be reminded about what he had started here on this planet, so I just pulled out the part I felt comfortable using which was, “Lord.” My mind raced on, trying to remember more -- “we so humbly bow before they throne on this blessed Sunday, in the home of these beloved friends, with our hearts overflowing with thankfulness for all the bountiful goodness that Thou hast bestowed upon us, Thy humble servants.” I started to go with the humble thing as it seemed to be pretty prominent. But as I thought about it I knew that knowing what I did about the three of us, and not knowing any more than I did about the five of them, the humble thing was probably stretching it pretty thin, so I passed on that thought. “Beloved friends” was a stretch to be sure, as we didn’t yet know how good a cook this gal was, so I discarded that thought.

The thankfulness theme did seem to have some merit so I said, “Thank you.” Under the pressure more and more was coming back to me. “Lord, we know that thou art the one who brings us the rain, and that Thou art the one that makes the seeds send up their tender green shoots, reaching toward Thy warm life-giving sunshine, and that Thou art the one who gave these children of Thine the strength to take the copious results of Thy blessings and prepare this magnificent repast on this Thy holy Sabbath day.” Just in time I remembered that only last spring this same farmer had his bottom forty flooded by too much rain which carried fifteen of his prize cows over into the next state, so decided not to remind him that the Lord had been involved in that small miscalculation. As for the sunshine, it was easy for me to rationalize that the Lord was just trying to make up for the rain thing, but the current drought had all the locals in a mutinous mood, so I left that out. And again, I thought “copious results” and “Magnificent repast” to be just a tad premature, as we had not actually put a fork to what was before us. The thing about the “holy Sabbath day” I wouldn’t touch with an eight-meter pole, as we used to say in Russia.

By the way, that saying has an interesting history behind it that started when - - but back to this other thing.

I had been around enough to know that there was some difference of opinion about which was the holy Sabbath day, so was not about to offend anybody, especially the one who established the Sabbath, by getting onto a religious topic. Well, again, that left me with very little so I just said, “For the food.” My mind flashed over and discarded another ten minutes of those previous prayers which had covered such topics as missionaries, including headhunters in particular. (why they always seemed to get honorable mention I’ve never figured out, especially when they seemed to be eating better than the rest of us did on some of these Sunday invitations.) Also covered were government leaders, local sinners, and the shortcomings of the pastor, and elders, some of which also were mentioned in with the local sinners. Having nothing more to draw on or wanting to say, to the One I was addressing, about being thankful for the food, I closed with a resounding “Amen!”

My prayer had taken about five seconds, including the pauses for effect, so caught everybody off guard. The children seemed delighted to think that they were about to get to taste something different for a Sunday dinner, mainly anything hot. The husband came in with a belated and sort of weak, “Amen,” and the wife shot me a glance that said I was definitely not religious, a poor example for her children, and someone who would be on the list for prayer meeting, if not to pray for, at least to talk about.

At Least That's How It Appears To Me

     I’ve not stayed in a hotel or motel in the last ten years where they didn’t claim to be in the middle of a severe draught. Because of this unwanted weather condition they go on to ask, “Please use the towels and sheets for more than one night.” Some even claim it’s a city or county ordinance.

     Before anyone gets all twitter pated let me explain that I’m all for saving water, the environment, and the planet. Seeing how we live here, it only makes good sense to take care of the place.

     That said, I’m guessing there are some people staying in hotels and motels who at home only change their sheets every two weeks, and the towels only when they can’t be bent over a towel rack any more. These same people will demand that they get clean everything every day when staying at some place where they don’t have to do their own laundry. They feel they’re paying for the service so why skimp, just because this part of the country hasn’t seen any water for a couple weeks, months, years, or in the last decade.

     Now those establishments that are too embarrassed to talk about draught, since the lower parts of the surrounding countryside are under water, the nearby reservoir is overflowing, and the snowpack on the nearby mountains seems heavy enough to shortly slide down into town, will fall back on Project Planet. This is where they invite you to join them in conserving water by using your towels and linen more than once. They claim that not only are you decreasing water and energy consumption, but that you are helping reduce the amount of detergent wastewater that must be recycled in their community.

     This is all well and good and worthy of our consideration and cooperation. What they don’t mention as part of this request is what your cooperation with this program does for their bottom line---what they save on their water bill, their detergent bill, wear and tear on their equipment, and their labor costs.

This draught/Project Planet program is the slickest thing the hospitality industry has come up with since indoor plumbing.

     Now, if they are really serious about conservation they would tell me, “For every night during your stay that you reuse your sheets we will refund you five dollars, and for every towel you reuse we will refund you two dollars.” That would get my attention as they would then be offering to make me an active participant in their profit-generating program.

     At least that’s how it appears to me.  

Some People Just Can't Stand to See Other People Have Run

     Case in point:  In a suburb of Detroit, there is no law against people owning their own personal flamethrowers. Several companies make the things and sell them in the area. These flamethrowers are advertised to be great for recreation (I can't for the life of me conjure up an image of that), for weed control, insect control, clearing ice, snow, brush, and starting bonfires. Very handy things. 

     Now the mayor of this suburb is trying to get flamethrowers banned. Why? Because he believes the devices are dangerous and could damage property, cause house fires, and cause injury or death.

     He claims it is "Unthinkable that such a device would be sold to the general public."

     Just an aside here:  Someone with that low of an opinion of his constituency should probably not hold political office. Just my opinion.

     He goes on to say that things like these flamethrowers could be used by bad people for bad things.

     So lets make a list of things that could also be used for a similar purpose:

     Matches

     Candle lighters

     Fireplace lighters

     Cigarette lighters

     And just a couple other things that have been used by bad people to do bad things:

     Hammers

     Kitchen knives

     Automobiles

     Water

     This mayor is going to be busy.

How Do You Know When You've Shot Your Last Selfie?

     This may be a little ghoulish but certainly a good example of what not to do.

     A young man in Texas was in the process of taking a selfie. Part of the pose was him holding a gun. Evidently, he got confused between clicking the shutter and pulling the trigger. He chose the latter. He did not survive the mistake.

     Read and learn, enough said.

A Possibly Interesting and Somewhat Heartwarming Incident

Monday evening Lorraine and I went down to Sunriver for a concert. The artist was Sean Chen, a young pianist. He recently won 3^rd place in the 14^th Van Cliburn competition, and has taken first place in several other prestigious competitions. He did a great job. During intermission, Lorraine and I walked around to the other part of the Great Hall complex so she could use the restroom. I was standing in the lobby. There were people coming and going, with maybe a dozen in the lobby at any one time. Sean was getting his picture taken with several female admirers.

When he was done with them, he walked past me, heading toward the men’s room. About four steps past me he turned, came back, stuck out his hand, and asked, “Were you waiting to see me?” I shook his hand, and told him I was waiting for my wife, but then complimented him on the first half of his concert, and said that I was looking forward to the rest of the program. He said “thank you”, and went on his way. A very personable individual. I thought, “How many guys who do concerts all over the world, play with some of the finest orchestras, would be concerned that maybe he had slighted some huddlehunce lurking in a lobby, outside the concert hall restrooms in Sunriver, Oregon. My guess would be, not many.

What Was Their First Clue?

The staff at an eastern Washington jail thought that maybe an escape was in progress. How did they figure this out? 

They found a rope of sheets from a jail window down to the ground. "Eureka!" They thought. "Somebody's either drying out a bunch of bed sheets or just maybe they're planning an escape." So they locked down the jail, moved the men from that cell too another cell, and I suppose recovered the sheets.

An interesting aside: The window the sheets were hanging from was 4 feet tall, but less than 5 inches wide. The report did not say anything about the inmates being very thin. 

Some Days Nothing is Gonna Go Right!

   If you don't believe that, ask this guy in Tampa Bay, Florida. He needed a ride so decided to jack a car. He picked a car that had two men sitting inside, jerked open the passenger side door, and threatened the passenger with a steak knife. So far, his plan was working out quite well.
     Then both men yelled, "Police" and one of them drew his gun. Our carjacker dropped his knife and ran, but not far, or fast enough.
     Now, I'm not suggesting that this is a good way for anyone to spend their time, I mean jacking cars, but if it is something that you just have to do, a few pointers might be in order.
     First car selection:  Don't pick a car that has more people in it than the jacking gang---and if you're working alone that means one person---especially if the occupants are both adult males. 
     Point of entry:  Don't go in the passenger side. That leaves the car driver pretty much free to do whatever he or she wants to do with the car. Move it forward, backward, honk the horn, or anything else they can think of, including opening the door and running down the street yelling their head off. This is considering that the driver has little regard for their passenger.
     Choice of weapon:  A steak knife is just not that intimidating. Most steaks don't even cringe that much when approached with one of these things. A less than adequate weapon can lead people to think you don't know what you're doing and therefore fail to take you seriously, which can lead to a hostile response on their part. Instead of being scared, they might cause you great pain and suffering.
     Therefore, pay attention to your choice of weapon. If you're going to do the job, buy the right tools. Take a little pride in your career choice, for pity's sake. 
     Leaving the scene of a botched carjacking: You must prepare for the eventuality that the carjacking is unsuccessful, in which case you'll need a plan to leave the scene. This will take some training. To prepare, practice running three blocks as fast as you can. Don't pay attention to the traffic at intersections. If you can't dodge through traffic while running flat out, without getting clipped by a vehicle, then you might not be cut out for this line of endeavor. You should be able to make this three-block run in under two minutes. Most people can work up to this level of prowess in about two years. Again, if you're going to choose carjacking as a career, a little preparation will allow you to be all your can be.

How Do You Start a Fight in a Prison Yards?

This may not be at the top of your bucket list, but just in case here goes:
     First, you get yourself a drone. It only has to carry less than a pound. You strap a payload onto your drone---a quarter once of heroin, two ounces of marijuana. and throw in say, five ounces of tobacco, for the non-druggies. Then you fly your drone over a prison and drop your payload into the prison yard. But you don't drop it into the yard as per previous arrangements, but you drop it into the adjacent yard.
     The prisoners who get the payload are delighted, but start fighting to make sure they each get their fair share. The prisoners who paid for the drugs, but didn't get them, break into the adjacent yard to recover what is theirs. The fighting expands, until the guards put a stop to the whole thing. The drugs have probably disappeared. 
     Your experiment has been a resounding successs. But before you try it again you might want to rethink the possible uses for your drone.
     The above scenario actually happened in Ohio, so we know it works.
       

From Uncle Vellanoff's Journal

Yes, That's Her

     As we traveled around the country, our show producer/director was always looking for new material for the show---particularly anything of a humorous nature. Surprisingly, one source of humor was the courts. So when we weren't rehearsing, several of us would sit in on local court cases to glean what material we could. Several of these cases we worked up into skits for our show.
     One such was: A woman shopper was leaving a department store when a man grabbed her purse and ran. A store clerk called the police. The woman was able to give a good description and the police were able to apprehend the snatcher in a few minutes.
     The police hauled the thief back to the store and got him out of the car. They told him to stand there for a positive ID. The thief replied, "Yes, Officer, that's the lady I stole the purse from."

I Should Have Shot You!

     Another case was the armed robbery of a liquor store. Part way through the first day of trial, the defendant fired his lawyer and declared that he would represent himself. The judge warned him about the folly of doing this, quoting the old adage, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client and the client has a fool for a lawyer." Then the judge ordered the trial to proceed. Everything was going fine until the defendant was examining the woman manger of the liquor store.
     The lady declared that he had been the robber. The defendant got angry and shouted at the witness, "I should have shot your head off!" Then after a couple heartbeats, stammered, "If I'd been the robber."
     It took the jury then minutes to come back with a "Guilty" verdict.

     

Is It or Isn't It
     Evidently, people in Wisconsin are able to buy lions over the internet.(Wish i'd known that when I was a resident.) Why they would want to buy a lion is a mystery, but remember, this is Wisconsin. Anyway, right now they think that there is a loose lion in Milwaukee. Again, I'm not sure why they don't know for sure, but that's their problem. Actually, the only thing they have to go on is a cell phone picture of a "Lion-ish like animal," which was enough to get the Milwaukee area scared.
     A man thought he saw this lion and shot it. It turned out to be a pit bull. I mean, we all know how much a pit bull resembles a lion. It turned out the man was not that good a shot anyway, so the dog just has a damaged leg and is getting the best medical treatment a dog can expect in Wisconsin. Hope he has good insurance.

Jewelry for the Woman Who Has Everything
     In Rhode Island several woman are complaining. Why? They sent their breast milk to a jeweler with the promise that it would be made into keepsakes. They paid their money, but so far have not received any jewelry. Surprise! Surprise! I'm as shocked as anyone to think this might be a scam.

A Bit of History
     During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai Stevenson: "Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!" Stevenson called back: "That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!" Truer words were never spoken. I wonder what he'd say today.

Today's Prayer
     "Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!"

People Never Cease to Amaze Me
     This morning I had to stop at the post office. I was about fourth in line. The second person in line was a woman with two boys, about three and maybe four or five. They were lively, and obviously curious about everything, wanting to touch and explore their environment. The lady kept up a continual string of instructions, "Stand still, stay right here, don't turn around like that, don't bother the lady, and stand still." All the instructions were repeated endlessly, as long as she was in the post office. 
     The admonitions changed slightly as she was leaving the building, "Don't run ahead of me, leave that alone, stay up with me, don't go over there, open the door for your mother, not that one, the other one." And once outside and before the door closed, "Stay on the sidewalk."
     It reminded me of a dog owner with a hound that has no intention of obeying. You've probably seen them, "Stay, sit, come, stay," all in the space of about thirty seconds.
     This woman had one of those voices that carries, just goes on and on until it bounces off some hard surface. She wasn't yelling or even talking loud, but every word was heard all over the post office.
    The guy behind me said in a low voice, "That's why they invented those kid leashes." The guy ahead of me said, "That's why they have muzzles, and I'm not thinking about the kids."
     Like I said, people are interesting. I wonder what someone is writing about me.

Here It Is Again; Pay Attention!
     "Don't mess with old people." But did the police in Pittsfield, Mass., Listen? 
     It started when the department got a call saying that someone with a baseball bat was causing a disturbance. The police responded.
     An 88-year-old woman opened her front door and was wielding a knife. She yelled at police that there was no reason for them to be at her door, and then to emphasize the point she slapped one of the officers. It turned out she was correct, as the right address was a block away. They hauled her into the station anyway, but she's been released on her on recognizance,