From Uncle Vellanoff's Journal

Yes, That's Her

     As we traveled around the country, our show producer/director was always looking for new material for the show---particularly anything of a humorous nature. Surprisingly, one source of humor was the courts. So when we weren't rehearsing, several of us would sit in on local court cases to glean what material we could. Several of these cases we worked up into skits for our show.
     One such was: A woman shopper was leaving a department store when a man grabbed her purse and ran. A store clerk called the police. The woman was able to give a good description and the police were able to apprehend the snatcher in a few minutes.
     The police hauled the thief back to the store and got him out of the car. They told him to stand there for a positive ID. The thief replied, "Yes, Officer, that's the lady I stole the purse from."

I Should Have Shot You!

     Another case was the armed robbery of a liquor store. Part way through the first day of trial, the defendant fired his lawyer and declared that he would represent himself. The judge warned him about the folly of doing this, quoting the old adage, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client and the client has a fool for a lawyer." Then the judge ordered the trial to proceed. Everything was going fine until the defendant was examining the woman manger of the liquor store.
     The lady declared that he had been the robber. The defendant got angry and shouted at the witness, "I should have shot your head off!" Then after a couple heartbeats, stammered, "If I'd been the robber."
     It took the jury then minutes to come back with a "Guilty" verdict.