Some of This and Some of That, Part 1 

From My Journal

 

 

Be Vigilant

October 2004

In Kenya, a group of prisoners broke out of jail. They used loud singing of hymns and praying to cover the sound of their sawing through the bars of the jail windows. This bears out my philosophy that anytime you’re in the company of an over enthusiastic bunch of “psalm singers and tambourine whackers,” you’d better be aware of what else is going on. 

Some Hungarian scientists are saying that excessive cell phone usage can damage sperm. I don’t know about Hungary, but in Wisconsin, we hold our cell phones up to our ears.

Shoes For The Shoeless - Maybe Not

We were watching a nature program and part of the message was that we should ban things such as alligator shoes. I’m in total agreement, it makes it so hard for them to walk.    

“One Happy Meal To Go Please.”  “Ah So.”

Friday 2005

     The latest news is that McDonalds plans to consolidate their drive-up window order-takers in a few call centers around the country or world. Which means that when you are talking into the clown’s mouth, you might be talking to someone many states or an ocean away. So now, along with the World War I war surplus microphone/speaker systems these fast food places seem to utilize, we now have to contend with non-local accents. I think it’s a great idea, but only because I use this technology only about once every year.

Bits And Pieces

October, 2004

Today I read in the news the headline that said: “U.S. Stocks Expected to Open Flat.” I would have thought they could have at least been able to afford a nice apartment, if not a house.

Another headline stated that” “A Sicilian entrepreneur has offered to donate parts for organ transplants in an effort to keep his business alive.” I noticed it didn’t say whose body parts he was offering. 

November 2004

In Iran, police seized 18 kilos of opium after cutting open the stomachs of six camels, who were being used to transport the drugs. Think how embarrassing it must be for these poor camels to find out they’re being used as mules. 

For Sale – One Famous Bridge – Delivery Not Possible

December, 2004

We were watching a program about how they are retro-fitting the Golden Gate Bridge so that it can withstand an earthquake with the magnitude of 8.3. My question is, why save a bridge when you won’t have any people to use it anyway. They admitted that at 8.3, San Francisco would be pretty much leveled, the area north of the bridge would be pretty much leveled, the freeway and streets would be leveled, crumpled, split open, but most of all useless. So that leaves you with a beautiful bridge spanning San Francisco Bay, with no motor access to either end. It seems to me that there is a piece missing from their plan.

So Long Gerry

July 2005

     Today Gerry Thomas passed away. I can hear ya’ll exclaiming, “Oh no!” Followed by, “Who?” Well, some of you probably recognize Gerry’s name. For those of you who don’t, Gerry Thomas was the guy who invented the TV dinner. Rumor has it that he will be buried in a three-part tinfoil casket, with some shriveled-up peas in one part, and two spoonfuls of mashed potatoes in the other part, along with some gravy that will slop over and soak the thumbnail sized piece of cornbread. Like I said, that’s just a rumor.

“Please Pass The Petri Dish.”

The latest thing in burger world is burgers that are the product of tissue engineering. Now if that doesn’t make your mouth water I don’t know what would. Evidently these geniuses haven’t heard of Loma Linda, who’ve been making meat-like products out of non-meat-like stuff for years. So what are the advantages: the world wouldn’t need 10 zillion flatulent cows. The downside: cowboys of the future would wear lab coats, thick glasses, pocket protectors, and hairnets. It’s enough to make John Wayne cry. And what about the Marlboro Man? He would be even more out of sync than he is already. The rugged outdoor type would no long be in vogue. Instead the cool guy of the future would be a skinny myopic person, gazing into a microscope, watching a meat patty grow. Yum Yum!