Medical Advice, Good or Bad?

       Without a doubt we have available to us a plethora of medical advice. It is a muli-billion dollar business. Some of it seems to be good, some questionable, and much of it contradictory. Much of this advice comes with products you can buy. (Feature that.) For every piece of medical advice there is a study to prove a particular point. Some of these studies are legitimate, gladdening the heart of any statistician. Some studies are so miniscule and vague that it’s a source of entertainment for the same statisticians, along with the rest of us. The following is some additional advice.

        (Included in my family are many medical professionals, with more on the way by all appearances. None of these people had any part in compiling the following medical advice. After all, I want to be invited to future family gatherings.)


       You can ascertain its value for yourself.

From some unknown source - - mostly - - -

An interview with a famous Japanese doctor:

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that’s it- - Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need Grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass which is green leafy vegetable.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit, get even more goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain. --- Good!


Q: Aren’t fried goods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! . . . Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO. . . Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Coca beans best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.


Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Also think about this:


The Japanese eat very little fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans

The Mexicans eat a lot of fat

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans

The Chinese drink very little red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans

The Italians drink a lot of red wine

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans

The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats

And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.