Who Is That Masked Person?

    One thing I’ve noticed since this COVID-19 thing started, with its social distancing and all, is that it makes it somewhat harder to read people when they have most of their face covered with a mask. I have to depend on the eyes to tell me how any given person is reacting to life in general, or to me specifically. And I realize that they are having the same problem reading me. 
    For centuries, a mask was used to cover the face in certain social settings, and for good reason. The individual didn’t want to be recognized. 
    If the eyes and the skin around the eyes is crinkling up, I can be somewhat sure they are smiling. Either that or getting perturbed at something. I think this works rather well, but it does put a lot more pressure on the eyes. 
    Another thing is, well, let me cite an instance. I was in the store looking for some product, and not having much success, I called Lorraine. She asked a question which I didn’t know the answer to so I said to her, “Let me ask this young lady.” 
    The ‘young lady’ I was referring to was a Fred Meyer employee fiddling with the stock a few feet away. This person had a slight build and long hair, and of course was wearing a mask. 
    The clerk heard my comment to Lorraine, turned and said, “Well, I’m not a young lady, but I’ll be glad to help you.” If nothing else the young man was gracious and forgiving, which I appreciated, because I needed both from him at that moment. 
    After I apologized, he showed me where to find what I was looking for. Another example. I was working the main entrance to the hospital. A nurse had wheeled a patient out the front door where a vehicle was waiting. As she came back inside, she stopped and said, “How’s your wife doing.” 
    This so obviously caught me flat-footed that she went on to explain. “Your wife was in the hospital about a year ago, I was her nurse a number of shifts, and I remember you as being there. So how is she doing?” 
    I explained that she was doing much better thanks to the great care she had received while in the hospital. I probably would not have recognized this nurse even without the mask, but certainly not with the mask on. I’ve had this happen to me several times while working in the hospital where people will say, “Hi Eldon, nice to have you back.” Some I can recognize regardless of the mask, and some not. 
    It's a tricky world out there. 
    I’ve been waiting for a line of masks to come on the market where there is a lower face painted on the mask, such as a Halloween mask would have. After explaining this business opportunity to my two daughters, I find that there are already such masks available. Oh, well. 
    And another thing, what are bank robbers doing now. They just look like everyone else. Maybe that’s a plus for them. The next one I see I’ll have to ask.

I’m Just Saying

    As part of the social distancing and everything else that has come along with CORVID-19, we have been told that people aged 60 and older are in a higher risk category than say, those under 60. This seems to have caused some concern and consternation among some members of this group of older citizens. They didn’t seem to like the idea that they were more apt to react badly when exposed to this virus than a younger person. 
    My reaction to this news was, so, big whoop! My age group (60 and older) has been at higher risk of reacting badly to most things for as long as I can remember. What do these people think getting old is all about? 

Shifting gears - - 
    Have you noticed that all the politicians are now campaigning by “reaching out in this time of social distancing,” like their messages were something we were longing for, to help us keep our sanity in these “unprecedented times.” I get about a dozen e-mails a day from candidates seeking a position at the public trough or who don’t want to be dislodged from said trough. These ads don’t seem to be as negative as their TV counterparts. The TV ads seem to be getting more vicious. 
    Speaking of these TV ads: What kind of thinking process is the following ad appealing to when it talks about some political opponent [say, Joe], and how ‘he has not lived in the state very long,’ how ‘he voted to build a ten-mile freeway that ran past his farm and the farm of one neighbor before reverting to a narrow blacktop country road,’ and how ‘he was accused and almost convicted of racketeering in the state where he used to live.’ But then the ad ends up by saying “Vote for Ed,” who is the one sponsoring the ad. The ad has never said anything about Ed or how he might possibly contribute to the running of some political entity. And we are to assume that because Ed knows all the things wrong with his opponent, he would make a good leader? WOW! 
    Now these negative ads are not put together by dummies, but by people who understand the viewing public and how they will react. And the very sad thing is that they know these negative ads work. 
    I read recently where some guy was suggesting that our great country deserved better political leaders, but as much as I agree, I’m thinking, maybe we deserve what we’ve gotten.

MY PERSPECTIVE 

    I’m only 81 years old, so I don’t have a long history of comparable current events, but this country of ours is in a worse mess that I can remember. And it has nothing to do with this COVID-19, bad as it is. I’m talking about the leadership of our great nation. I’m talking about those in office, those who would like to be in office, and the media, all working at cross purposes, trying to make themselves look like leaders. To start with this country deserves better, much better. 
    We have a President who can’t seem to quit talking. Example: Because of the suddenness of the onset of this virus the information is changing every day. As an example, just try tracking what the medical community has been saying about the virus, what we should do about it, what we should do to protect ourselves, how it’s transmitted, and many other associated subjects. Their conclusions and suggestions have been changing almost daily. Only now is the information beginning to coalesce. So the information the President has been handing out has been changing almost on a daily basis. 
    Now, the media can get by with all kinds of wild conjecture, some of it even based on the facts available at the time. Other politicians can do the same thing, but everyone seems to expect more of the President. There is some validity to that assumption, or at least we’d like to think so. 
    Now, if the president could just keep his mouth shut most of the time, or at least couch his comments as the best information available at the time and that it could change, it would go a long way to keep him out of trouble. Or better yet, on this pandemic thing, let the CDC and WHO take the lead. They are the ones getting paid to know the answers. 
    Also, if he wouldn’t try to respond to every adverse comment that’s made concerning him, it would make him look much more presidential. Now, it seems like he has nothing better to do but argue with every adverse comment that comes his way. It reminds me of high school. 
    The other side of that coin is that the media and his political enemies will take everything he says and cast it in the worst possible light. Their main concern it seems is not the state of the union, the virus, the economy, or world affairs, but how best they can keep this President from getting reelected, or, as ineffective as possible while he is still in office. 
    I’m sure there are a lot of politicians out there, trying to do a good job for their constituents, but unless they are badmouthing somebody, we never hear of them. 
    The political leadership of both parties have done more to divide the people of this nation than any bunch of huddlehunces I can recall. 
    Like I said, this country deserves better. 
    The side effect of all this comes down to the question, why would anyone seek the office of President and take that much abuse? And anybody who wants the job is already suspect. But again, this is all just my perspective.

AN OPPORTUNITY LIKE YOU’VE NOT SEEN BEFORE 

[There might be a reason for that. But no matter.] 

     I’ve been watching the sports news expecting to hear about this sport hitting the U.S. I think it will be a big hit when it arrives. And that is the sport of Water Buffalo Racing. You read that right, Water Buffalo Racing. It’s big in certain parts of India, so why not here? Successful jockeys would be much sought-after celebrities. 
     For you who may not be familiar with the sport it seems that a pair of water buffalos racing as a team pull a jockey along behind as they race through a muddy rice paddy. This threesome is not racing against other teams, head to head, well, actually side by side, but are striving for a better time than their competition doing the 142.5 meter course, or a hair over 467 feet. Now tell me, what’s not to like. 
    The National Buffalo Racing Through A Muddy Rice Paddy Pulling A Jockey League or NBRTAMRPPAJL is probably in the process of being organized as you read this. They might have to shorten that acronym, otherwise before the sports commentators get through all that the first race will be over and done. Maybe just NBPAJL. 
    This would be a summer sport as it would not work well to do this on a frozen-solid rice paddy, say like in Minnesota, and the distance is a little long to do indoors and still have adequate seating on both ends of the rice paddy course. These buffalo have their heads decorated for the race, to help build esprit de corps I guess, which leaves the rest of their bodies open for sponsor decals, much like stock cars. For all I know sponsors may already be jockeying for display space on what their scouts think will be the most promising contenders. 
    The first racing buffalos will have to be imported, considering the current lack of water buffalos in the U.S., but soon a whole new breeding and training industry similar to horses in Kentucky would spring up. 
    I’m guessing one problem the NBPAJL is even now struggling with is how to keep organized crime from getting their greedy fingers into the sport. Ed Hazard, co-owner of Ed and Joe’s Garage and Towing, of Fargo, ND, who is the first commissioner of the NBPAJL, put out a short but succinct statement only last week. He said, “I’ll be danged if we let those schnooks get involved in our sport.” We’re pretty sure he was talking about organized crime. I mean, who else would schnooks be referring to. 
    He may have a harder time than he realized. I mean, for starters, with gate receipts projected to be in the middle to high five figures, and then all the income from the selling of the TV broadcasting rights, this has got to look like a lucrative sport for people with criminal intentions. I hear that NTTV, the entertainment voice of greater Fargo, ND is the leading contender [actually the only one so far, how far behind can CBS, NBC, or ESPN be?] for the broadcasting rights to these events. 
    And don’t forget the income from the concessions in maybe both racing venues, if current projections turn out to be accurate. [I’m guessing that Buffalo Wings will be a big seller, if only because of the name association.] 
    I hear that the local SPCA is gearing up to protest the first race. The leader of the local chapter was heard to say over an open mike, after announcing the boycott, “What’s a water buffalo?” 
    I’ve been thinking about starting a syndicate for the breeding and training of water buffalos. This will be a hot investment opportunity for one and all, so better send me your money now, and we’ll worry about all that silly paperwork, like issuing stock and what not, until after the hysteria of this investment opportunity dies down a bit.

Bless Those Dogs 

     I do some part-time work in an environment where service dogs are occasionally brought in to give the patients something to think about other than their aches and pains. One day I was sitting in a chair that was half-blocking the doorway to the room of a male patient. The man’s wife was in the room with him. During the time I had been there he had become less and less enchanted with having to be in the hospital, with the food, and to a lesser degree the staff. He had not reached a code-gray condition but was quite disturbed about his situation. 
     The language he was using to express his discontent was unusually crude compared to what most patients use. 
     That’s when I noticed, coming around the corner on the end of the hall, a man and a service dog. A big service dog. The man stopped at the nursing station where the dog got plenty of attention. It was obvious that the staff was acquainted with him and that they enjoyed his visits. The dog’s name turned out to be Adam. Then the man and Adam came down the hall and I was introduced. 
     I found out that Adam was a mastiff of some sort and that he was small for his breed as he only weighted 125 pounds and stood only about 28 inches at his shoulders. But the man explained that Adam was still young and might yet get bigger. 
     While the introductions were going on it was obvious that Adam wanted to go into the room. His handler asked the patient and his wife if they would mind Adam’s coming in and they both said that it would be fine. 
     Adam walked over to the patient and placed his big head on the bed next to the patient’s hip, where the patient could easily reach him and stroke his head. 
     The change in the patient was dramatic. He stroked and talked to the dog in a quiet voice. His whole demeanor changed. His red face lost its angry/excited color and he looked more relaxed than he’d been since I came on duty. 
     The Handler then asked the patient if he would mind having Adam on the bed. The patient was a little surprised but said he would like that. 
     The Handler gave Adam a command. Now between the patient and the edge of the bed there was maybe eight inches. I watched as this big dog got up on the hospital bed, never stepping on the patient, and then stretch out alongside the patient and sort of snuggled up against him. Adam’s head was mid chest. Adam had his head on his front paws and looked like he was going to fall asleep. In all his movements there was never anything quick, jerky, or frantic. It was all so relaxed. 
     The patient was soon just as relaxed as Adam as he continued to stroke and talk to him. 
     After about five minutes the Handler gave Adam a command and he got off the bed as gracefully as he had gotten on. 
     A nurse came and took the patients vitals soon after Adam and his Handler left. She told me the patients blood pressure was significantly lower than it had been before Adam’s visit. 
     It was an amazing performance and one I appreciated being able to witness.

It Seems Like There Should Be A Downside

    Recently, in a Texas neighborhood, there have been several incidents where squirrels have gotten quite militant. People have been bitten and children not allowed to go out to play, because of the threatening behavior of these squirrels. 
     My guess is that this is the beginning of the long-predicted squirrel uprising. It will be their bid to take over our country.
    I’ve given this scenario a good deal of thought and have listed all the differences, good and bad, if the squirrels were in control of our state and federal governments.

    1. Squirrels would be a lot cheaper to support in public office. 
    2. Not being able to understand squirrel a great restful quiet would descend on the land. 
    3. Their campaigning for office would be of little interest as we couldn’t understand their rhetoric and besides they all look alike. 
    4. Ah, there must be other differences. 
    5. 
    6. 
    7. 
    8. 
    9. 
   10. No, I guess not.

They Have Feelings Too

     In Washington State a driver received a hefty fine for driving in the HOV lane while using a big stuffed dinosaur for the passenger. One thing to the driver credit, he did have the dinosaur’s seat belt fastened.
     But I don’t see anywhere in the report where anyone was concerned about the feeling of the dinosaur. 
     What does it say when it gets back to the kid’s room and the rest of the stuffed toys. But more important what do the other toys say. Probably something like this. 
     The pit bull will start off with, “Hah, yous thought you was so smart. You thought you was some kinda big shot.” 
     The clipped puddle named Mitzi says, in a soft voice, “Guido, be nice, he was just doing what Kevin’s Dad asked him to do.”
     Snapper the alligator speaks up, “That’s our problem, we all just do what anyone wants us to do. Even you, Guido. When Kevin was dragging you around by the tail, you didn’t look so tough.” 
     Guido snarls, “Okay, but yous gotta unnerstand that there’s a big difference between lettin a little kid drag me around and participatin in some cockamamie criminal endeavor.” 
     A GI Joe asks, speaking to Guido, “Where’d you learn a big word like cockamamie?” 
     Guido laughed and said, and even if it did sound sort of sinister, the others knew that he was the softest wise-guy around, “Hey, I pay attention when Kevin watches his shows on TV.” 
     An obviously old donkey, who had on one and one-half ears, a faded coat, a tail that looked like it had been on fire at one time, or maybe twice, and with one eye missing, added to the conversation, “You kids should have been around before TV. That’s when we really had to be on our game. And I mean 24/7. Now you all have it easy.” 
     Mitzi said, “Yes, Horace, we’ve heard all about the good old days before. I for one am glad to be of a younger generation.” “Squawk, generation, generation, squawk,” offered Rose, the parrot. 
     “Squawk, me not stuffed, squawk,” she added. 
     “Yeah, Yeah,” said Snapper, “like we haven’t heard before how special you are.”
     Through all this Dino, the dinosaur had been quiet. Then said with a sigh, “I told him it wouldn’t work, but he told me to shut up, so I did. He was rather rude.” 
     “Did the police talk to you at all?” asked Horace. 
     “Oh, yes,” answered Dino. “One of the officers patted me on my nose and told me this was going to go on my permanent record. For some reason he thought that was very clever. 
     Like I said, no one realizes the emotional trauma a stuffed toy will go through if taken on an adventure like this.