It’s Not Hard to Tell with a Buffalo

     From my journal: (December 2003.)  The other day I watched part of the movie ‘Hercules.’ This is an old movie and was something to keep me from wondering why I was ironing shirts and pressing pants. (Lorraine is in Texas selling our house.) At one point, the hero went out to save some village from the “Terrible Bull Creature of Argon”, or some such. Anyway, it was a bull that had been terrorizing the countryside. The first look at this terrible creature showed it to be a buffalo. No kidding, a buffalo, and a fairly young one at that. The first shot showed this poor buffalo running through what looked like a gravel pit. Now I’ve spent a little time around buffalos, and have the photos to prove it. I managed this despite the instructional shouts from my family. Things like “get back in the car you ______.” “Dad, they look mean.” “Don’t climb through that fence.” “Get back on this side of the fence.” And the clincher, “the sign says _______” ---as if a sign would know anything about the emotional stability of a herd of buffalo.

So I’ve seen buffalos up close and know the difference between one that’s coming toward me in an aggressive way, and one that is in flight. One big clue is whether you’re seeing horns or a tail. It’s not rocket science.

This young buffalo was definitely running away from something. Anyway, Hercules finally got his hands on this hairy little beast and bulldogged him to the ground. (Between the first shot and the bulldogging scene this beast had grown a respectable set of horns and a shaggy mane. Of course, in this bulldogging shot we only saw the buffalo’s head.) The villagers were overjoyed that this terrible creature had been vanquished. That scene gave me a good laugh, which carried me through the rest of the ironing.

That “Lovin’ Feeling” – Texas Style 

Speaking of Texas: Several years ago when we were living in that Great State, a large church in Dallas tried something new for Valentine’s Day. They were asking people to show their love for their loved ones by turning in whatever guns they had lying about. To encourage that “lovin’ feeling” the church was going to pay fifty dollars each for the guns. Keep in mind that this is Texas, where people show their love for their loved ones by buying them guns. The church did announce that they would have “armed police” supervising the process. I’m guessing they must have had to shell out one hundred or maybe even one hundred and fifty dollars on the deal.

"I’ve Got To Get Me Some of That"

We watched a program about a tribe that lives along the Amazon. Before going on a hunt they will puncture their skin and rub in some toxin from a local frog. The frog sweats this toxin when tied spread-eagled over a fire. The commentators were quick to point out that the frogs survive this triumph to sweat again another day. Anyway, after getting this toxin into his blood stream, the hunter vomits violently, then goes into a stupor. When he comes to, he seems to think his senses are so heightened that he can hunt with the ability of a Jaguar. I’m sure they know what they’re talking about.

My question is, how does something like this get started? Let’s start with the poor frogs. How many of them got cooked before the right temperature was figured out? And how long before the frog mothers would say, “Don’t worry Albert, they just want your sweat.” Then the tribe members: I wonder who first said, “Oh look, our supper is sweating.” Or, “I wonder if this sweat is good for anything?” And then how long before some guy rubbed some sweat into an opening in his epidermis, got violently ill, and said, “Boy I’ve got to try that again.” Then how long before they tied all that to the fact that hunting seemed easier?

It almost seems like these folks had some help from someone who really wanted to make them look ridiculous or had some help from someone who really knew what to do. And the biggest question of all - if I was standing off and looking at my culture and my rituals, would they appear as ridiculous? I’ll have to think about that.