A Possibly Interesting and Somewhat Heartwarming Incident

Monday evening Lorraine and I went down to Sunriver for a concert. The artist was Sean Chen, a young pianist. He recently won 3^rd place in the 14^th Van Cliburn competition, and has taken first place in several other prestigious competitions. He did a great job. During intermission, Lorraine and I walked around to the other part of the Great Hall complex so she could use the restroom. I was standing in the lobby. There were people coming and going, with maybe a dozen in the lobby at any one time. Sean was getting his picture taken with several female admirers.

When he was done with them, he walked past me, heading toward the men’s room. About four steps past me he turned, came back, stuck out his hand, and asked, “Were you waiting to see me?” I shook his hand, and told him I was waiting for my wife, but then complimented him on the first half of his concert, and said that I was looking forward to the rest of the program. He said “thank you”, and went on his way. A very personable individual. I thought, “How many guys who do concerts all over the world, play with some of the finest orchestras, would be concerned that maybe he had slighted some huddlehunce lurking in a lobby, outside the concert hall restrooms in Sunriver, Oregon. My guess would be, not many.

What Was Their First Clue?

The staff at an eastern Washington jail thought that maybe an escape was in progress. How did they figure this out? 

They found a rope of sheets from a jail window down to the ground. "Eureka!" They thought. "Somebody's either drying out a bunch of bed sheets or just maybe they're planning an escape." So they locked down the jail, moved the men from that cell too another cell, and I suppose recovered the sheets.

An interesting aside: The window the sheets were hanging from was 4 feet tall, but less than 5 inches wide. The report did not say anything about the inmates being very thin. 

Some Days Nothing is Gonna Go Right!

   If you don't believe that, ask this guy in Tampa Bay, Florida. He needed a ride so decided to jack a car. He picked a car that had two men sitting inside, jerked open the passenger side door, and threatened the passenger with a steak knife. So far, his plan was working out quite well.
     Then both men yelled, "Police" and one of them drew his gun. Our carjacker dropped his knife and ran, but not far, or fast enough.
     Now, I'm not suggesting that this is a good way for anyone to spend their time, I mean jacking cars, but if it is something that you just have to do, a few pointers might be in order.
     First car selection:  Don't pick a car that has more people in it than the jacking gang---and if you're working alone that means one person---especially if the occupants are both adult males. 
     Point of entry:  Don't go in the passenger side. That leaves the car driver pretty much free to do whatever he or she wants to do with the car. Move it forward, backward, honk the horn, or anything else they can think of, including opening the door and running down the street yelling their head off. This is considering that the driver has little regard for their passenger.
     Choice of weapon:  A steak knife is just not that intimidating. Most steaks don't even cringe that much when approached with one of these things. A less than adequate weapon can lead people to think you don't know what you're doing and therefore fail to take you seriously, which can lead to a hostile response on their part. Instead of being scared, they might cause you great pain and suffering.
     Therefore, pay attention to your choice of weapon. If you're going to do the job, buy the right tools. Take a little pride in your career choice, for pity's sake. 
     Leaving the scene of a botched carjacking: You must prepare for the eventuality that the carjacking is unsuccessful, in which case you'll need a plan to leave the scene. This will take some training. To prepare, practice running three blocks as fast as you can. Don't pay attention to the traffic at intersections. If you can't dodge through traffic while running flat out, without getting clipped by a vehicle, then you might not be cut out for this line of endeavor. You should be able to make this three-block run in under two minutes. Most people can work up to this level of prowess in about two years. Again, if you're going to choose carjacking as a career, a little preparation will allow you to be all your can be.

How Do You Start a Fight in a Prison Yards?

This may not be at the top of your bucket list, but just in case here goes:
     First, you get yourself a drone. It only has to carry less than a pound. You strap a payload onto your drone---a quarter once of heroin, two ounces of marijuana. and throw in say, five ounces of tobacco, for the non-druggies. Then you fly your drone over a prison and drop your payload into the prison yard. But you don't drop it into the yard as per previous arrangements, but you drop it into the adjacent yard.
     The prisoners who get the payload are delighted, but start fighting to make sure they each get their fair share. The prisoners who paid for the drugs, but didn't get them, break into the adjacent yard to recover what is theirs. The fighting expands, until the guards put a stop to the whole thing. The drugs have probably disappeared. 
     Your experiment has been a resounding successs. But before you try it again you might want to rethink the possible uses for your drone.
     The above scenario actually happened in Ohio, so we know it works.
       

From Uncle Vellanoff's Journal

Yes, That's Her

     As we traveled around the country, our show producer/director was always looking for new material for the show---particularly anything of a humorous nature. Surprisingly, one source of humor was the courts. So when we weren't rehearsing, several of us would sit in on local court cases to glean what material we could. Several of these cases we worked up into skits for our show.
     One such was: A woman shopper was leaving a department store when a man grabbed her purse and ran. A store clerk called the police. The woman was able to give a good description and the police were able to apprehend the snatcher in a few minutes.
     The police hauled the thief back to the store and got him out of the car. They told him to stand there for a positive ID. The thief replied, "Yes, Officer, that's the lady I stole the purse from."

I Should Have Shot You!

     Another case was the armed robbery of a liquor store. Part way through the first day of trial, the defendant fired his lawyer and declared that he would represent himself. The judge warned him about the folly of doing this, quoting the old adage, "A man who represents himself has a fool for a client and the client has a fool for a lawyer." Then the judge ordered the trial to proceed. Everything was going fine until the defendant was examining the woman manger of the liquor store.
     The lady declared that he had been the robber. The defendant got angry and shouted at the witness, "I should have shot your head off!" Then after a couple heartbeats, stammered, "If I'd been the robber."
     It took the jury then minutes to come back with a "Guilty" verdict.

     

Is It or Isn't It
     Evidently, people in Wisconsin are able to buy lions over the internet.(Wish i'd known that when I was a resident.) Why they would want to buy a lion is a mystery, but remember, this is Wisconsin. Anyway, right now they think that there is a loose lion in Milwaukee. Again, I'm not sure why they don't know for sure, but that's their problem. Actually, the only thing they have to go on is a cell phone picture of a "Lion-ish like animal," which was enough to get the Milwaukee area scared.
     A man thought he saw this lion and shot it. It turned out to be a pit bull. I mean, we all know how much a pit bull resembles a lion. It turned out the man was not that good a shot anyway, so the dog just has a damaged leg and is getting the best medical treatment a dog can expect in Wisconsin. Hope he has good insurance.

Jewelry for the Woman Who Has Everything
     In Rhode Island several woman are complaining. Why? They sent their breast milk to a jeweler with the promise that it would be made into keepsakes. They paid their money, but so far have not received any jewelry. Surprise! Surprise! I'm as shocked as anyone to think this might be a scam.

A Bit of History
     During his 1956 presidential campaign, a woman called out to Adlai Stevenson: "Senator, you have the vote of every thinking person!" Stevenson called back: "That's not enough, madam, we need a majority!" Truer words were never spoken. I wonder what he'd say today.

Today's Prayer
     "Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap!"

People Never Cease to Amaze Me
     This morning I had to stop at the post office. I was about fourth in line. The second person in line was a woman with two boys, about three and maybe four or five. They were lively, and obviously curious about everything, wanting to touch and explore their environment. The lady kept up a continual string of instructions, "Stand still, stay right here, don't turn around like that, don't bother the lady, and stand still." All the instructions were repeated endlessly, as long as she was in the post office. 
     The admonitions changed slightly as she was leaving the building, "Don't run ahead of me, leave that alone, stay up with me, don't go over there, open the door for your mother, not that one, the other one." And once outside and before the door closed, "Stay on the sidewalk."
     It reminded me of a dog owner with a hound that has no intention of obeying. You've probably seen them, "Stay, sit, come, stay," all in the space of about thirty seconds.
     This woman had one of those voices that carries, just goes on and on until it bounces off some hard surface. She wasn't yelling or even talking loud, but every word was heard all over the post office.
    The guy behind me said in a low voice, "That's why they invented those kid leashes." The guy ahead of me said, "That's why they have muzzles, and I'm not thinking about the kids."
     Like I said, people are interesting. I wonder what someone is writing about me.

Here It Is Again; Pay Attention!
     "Don't mess with old people." But did the police in Pittsfield, Mass., Listen? 
     It started when the department got a call saying that someone with a baseball bat was causing a disturbance. The police responded.
     An 88-year-old woman opened her front door and was wielding a knife. She yelled at police that there was no reason for them to be at her door, and then to emphasize the point she slapped one of the officers. It turned out she was correct, as the right address was a block away. They hauled her into the station anyway, but she's been released on her on recognizance,

It's Amazing We Humans Have Lived This Long

We've just learned that the sun is more mean-spirited than previously thought. I've just found out that after being in the sun, the UV rays that you're not in any more, can continue to damage your skin for up to four hours after you get out of the sun. Now tell me, is that really fair? And how about eight hours ago, or last week, or last summer? I spent whole summers in the sun when I was growing up on the farm, so I'm probably doomed. But the way I look at it is this, what more can the sun do to me? At my age? So my philosophy is, I don't bother the sun and I expect the sun not to bother me.

I got this information off the internet so have no idea if it has any basis in fact, but I bet it will start a whole new level of frenzied warnings, and  profound sounding articles from dermatologists whose degrees are from Andy and Joe's Online Medical U. And that will be followed up with about 2,376 different products that manufactures have in the pipeline just waiting for this information to scare the 'whatever' out of everybody."

Now if I had a suspicious mind I'd be thinking, "How convenient this information is for the sun-screen people, and the 2,736 products they have in their pipelines just waiting for this information to scare the 'whatever' out of everybody." That's if I had a suspicious mind.

Now We Have Something Else To Worry About
        Let me explain. I live in Oregon. That's Oregon, not a body part or a musical instrument. It's a nice state. It's called the Beaver State. I guess that at some time there were lots of beavers hanging about, at least before the beaver-hat craze that swept the world and finally died out (no pun intended) around the mid 1800s.
     The beaver has made somewhat of a come back, to the consternation of some folks. The beaver is not universally appreciated. One mid-west Indian tribe that has extensive timber holdings would really rather the beavers went west and settled in Oregon. With all their oneness and appreciation of nature, they have a bounty on the local beavers, mainly because the beavers drown acres and acres of timber. But that's another story.
     Here in Oregon the beavers seem to have an attitude. Right here in Deschutes County two Oregon hikers climbed onto a beaver dam. The beaver came out and assaulted them, according to the hikers, knocking one of them into the river, and scaring the other hiker into somehow getting trapped in a tangle of submerged logs. 
     The first hiker climbed out of the river and then couldn't find his hiking partner. The sheriff's department came out with some rescue volunteers to search for the missing hiker. About the time they got into action, the hiker was able to extricate himself.
     So except for a little trauma everyone is safe and happy, and just maybe a little wiser.
     If you're thinking about visiting Oregon and climbing out on a beaver dam (I can't imagine this being high on anyone's bucket list), I would suggest you knock first and see if it's okay with the beaver. I mean, if your grandfather had been made into a hat you might be a little paranoid also.