Passing Lane -itis 

   Recently Lorraine and I drove from Redmond, Oregon, to Tacoma, Washington. From Redmond over the pass and until you are nearly down to Sandy, Oregon, the road is two lanes. One coming and one going. Lots of two lane roads are like that. 
    On this roughly 100-mile stretch of Highway 26, there are sections that climb in elevation, causing the truck traffic to slow down. To help alleviate this natural slowdown of traffic in these areas, the Oregon Department of Transportation has put in passing lanes. These lanes are much appreciated by all of us. 
    My problem with these passing lanes is not the lanes themselves but the people who use them. Or, I should say, some of the people who use them. My experience goes like this. I’m driving along at a reasonable speed. In front of me are several vehicles, and behind me there is more traffic. The speed limit is 55 miles per hour. (What else would it be, we’re in Oregon.) The car leading this string of travelers has a driver who for some reason is moving at a sedate 55 miles per hour. 
    Most everyone in that string of traffic is looking forward to the upcoming passing lane. When it arrives the leader of this pack, (remember our 55 MPH guy?) thinks that for some reason it’s become mandatory for him now to speed up to 70 miles per hour, which he does. Most of us following drivers pull over into the passing lane hoping to get around this consciousness leader, but some of the more faint-hearted, not feeling comfortable exceeding 70 miles per hour, hold their position for a while then slink back in line behind the leader. 
    Some of the following drivers who think they know what is to come, put their foot down and pass this guy if they can get around those who thought they wanted to pass, but find they don’t have the guts for it. Many of the following drivers, feeling that 70 miles per hour is excessive, keep their place in line and enjoy the new pace as set by the leader. 
    Soon the passing lane comes to an end and the leader settles back to his original 55 miles per hour. The people behind him, who still want to travel faster, are cursing themselves for not passing when they had the opportunity. The people who wanted to pass, but were unable to do so because of this huddlehunce’s actions are muttering threats that if carried out would probably involve some jail time.

Classical Music Comes to the Rescue – Again 

    A 7-Eleven has discovered a new use for classical music. Sukhi Sandhu, who else would . . . no I’m not going there, who owns the franchise said that after he started to play symphonies and operas over the outside speakers, at a high volume, the “riffraff left.” 
    It seems that he had panhandlers and other people loitering around making a nuisance of themselves. One of these people claimed that it was just too hard to socialize when the music was that loud. 
    We've heard about classical music; helping plants grow, calming wild beasts, putting people to sleep, and numerous other things, but this is the first time I’ve hear it being used to disperse “riffraff”. 

    The Manatees Can’t Seem to Catch a Break

    A group of Florida manatees were in an amorous mood and trying to mate. 
    A man took exception to what maybe he thought was their licentious behavior. So, he was slapping the water to, I guess, take their mind off what they were trying to do. 
   The news article does not tell us if he was successful or not. Neither did the article didn’t explain what the man had against mating manatees. Maybe his folks didn’t pay enough attention to him when he was a child. Maybe his parents abandoned him at an early age. Maybe they made him eat watercress when he really, really, didn’t like watercress. Maybe . . .but who cares. 
   The guy was trying to keep the manatees from mating, we think, and so he deserves what he gets. 
    Someone recorded he man’s actions and now he’s facing a second-degree misdemeanor charge. I’m guessing that in Florida second- degree misdemeanor carries a penalty of time served, which was probably two hours before his bail was set and he was released, and a fine of up to fifty dollars. 
   Neither of which will bring much comfort to the abused manatees. Then again, maybe it will. How would I know what goes on in the mind of a manatee?

Don’t Mess with The Fajitas in Texas 

    In Texas a person can get by with many things. You can carry a concealed gun without asking anyone’s permission. You can pick your own speed on the roads, especially in the western part of the state. You can shout “ye ha” during any pause at the Symphony without getting dirty, or sympathetic looks from your fellow concert goers. You can wear your ten-gallon hat during the opera, and nobody will take exception, except maybe the short little lady sitting directly behind you. You can tell a totally outrageous story about oil, armadillos, snakes, or just anything, and Texans will be okay with that, as long as the oil, armadillos, snakes or whatever is in or from Texas. 
    But one thing in Texas you better not do is use Fajitas in an unseemly fashion. Example---A gentleman who was working for the Cameron County Juvenile Center was in the habit of ordering Fajitas for the Center, for which the Center paid. But this guy would intercept the delivery of Fajitas, and then sell them to his own customers. He had been doing this for about nine years, which cost the Juvenile Center 1.2 million dollars.
    Things were going along just fine until one day he was at a medical appointment when a delivery of Fajitas arrived at the center. Eight hundred pounds of them. The other people at the Center became a little suspicious when they found that no one had ordered the Fajitas, or at least no one who was present. 
    This led to some questions, and now fifty-three-year-old Gilberto Escamilla is being sent up for fifty years. 
    Moral of this news item: If you’re in Texas, don’t mess around with their Fajitas. 

They’re Just Kids 

    Speaking of authorities that are out to kill whatever fun somebody can think up - - - It seems that in Norway high school graduates have a weeks-long celebration called Russ, for those who care. This spring celebration, involves partying, sex, nudity, heavy drinking, and other things, some of which, tend to challenge public morals. In addition, there are numerous deaths among these young people due to mixing alcohol with driving. So, to quash the young spirits the authorities have put out the following announcement: “No Sex On Roundabouts.” This activity in and of itself is not that frowned upon, but the problem is that drivers, noticing naked bodies on and around the roundabouts, tend to get discombobulated, and have accidents. Therefore, the announcement. How’s that for coming down hard on the nation’s youth?

It Could Be Like This 

   
    While Lorraine and I were talking to my sister, Dorothy, the subject of the weather came up and we commented that just possibly spring might prevail and push whatever weather we’re having out of the way and get on with it. Dorothy capped off that discussion by saying, “It’s good that the coming of spring is not left up to Washington,” meaning the U.S. Congress. 
    As I thought about this idea my mind spun off into what it would be like if Congress was actually responsible for the start of the seasons. It might go something like this - -
    The Honorable Senator from Louisiana, Gator Gaspel, moved that spring start on April first. “After all,” he intoned in a voice that sounded like syrup being poured onto a bass drum, “We’ve had the honeysuckles in bloom now for most of a month.” 
    Seconds to the motion are shouted out by Senators from Mississippi and Alabama, but not by Senators from other Southern states, as they were asleep. 
    This motion was met by an uproar from the Senators from North Dakota, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. The Senator from Wisconsin, Jan Johansson, was finally recognized by the chairman. “Are you people crazy! We still have two feet of snow in the northern part of our state. The harbor at Duluth is still frozen solid. We have to use ice-breakers just to get ships in and out. Spring shouldn’t be started until at least June 30.” He sat down to applause from other Northern states’ Senators, and boos and hisses from the Southern states. The Central states’ Senators just sit there doodling on note pads, playing Free Cell on their IPads, or sleeping. They had been ignored for so long that they feel somewhat disenfranchised from the whole process. 
    The Senator from California stands and demands to be acknowledged. This elicits groans from the surrounding Senators. Other than giving them the finger she ignores them. Once permission to speak was reluctantly granted she starts. “I think we are way ahead of ourselves here. I’ve not seen any environmental statement on our letting spring commence at all, let alone setting a date. It’s well known that without studying the effects of letting spring commence, we just might be putting our planet in jeopardy, and how would we explain that to our children? And for you naysayers, the recent study by the Flat Earth Society makes that very plain.” 
    The Senator from the state of Oregon jumps to his feet while waving a hand as high over his head as he could reach. He’s shouting, “I know the answer to that, I know the answer to that.” 
    The chair tiredly asks while pointing to the Senator from Oregon, “Know the answer to what, Senator Fernel?” 
    “To the question she just asked about the environment.” 
    “I wasn’t aware that she had asked a question. She did make a statement. Now that you have the floor, or so it seems, do you have anything to add to this discussion, and put you hand down, you look like a git.” 
    “Ah, yeah, okay. Before we ask for a study we need Ways and Means to earmark the funds to pay for a study.” 
    “Good point, Senator Fernel. If I recall that’s the first good point you’ve made since joining us six years ago. The people of Oregon must be proud of you.” 
    Senator Fernel punched the air with his fist and said, “Yes.” 
    Then the Chairman, called out, “Is Senator Jamison from Ways and Means here today?” 
    No one spoke, until finally a secretary stuck her head in the chamber and said, “Mr. Jamison is indisposed and not available right now.” 
    The Chairman asks, “Well, Lulu Bell, how long before Senator Jamison can join us?”
    Lulu Bell said, “The judge says it’ll be three to five, before the Senator can rejoin us here on the hill?” 
    The Chairman looks around and finally spots a Senator who has his head below the level of his desk top, pretending to tie his shoe. “Senator Dahl, you’re on Ways and Means, how about funding for an environmental study to determine if we can set a day for spring to start?” 
    Senator Dahl slowly appears from below his desk, and after clearing his throat several times and taking a sip of his throat medicine from a hip flask, says, “What was all that?” 
    “Come on, Dahl, don’t act dumb with me. I know you’re not the brightest light in this chamber, but you know what I’m asking.’ Dahl looks resigned and nods his head. Then after a minute he says, “Okay, for Ways and Means to earmark funds for a study, we need to establish a sub-committee, which we can do right after summer break. Once the sub-committee is seated, they will establish a venue for their meetings, probably Aruba. After their deliberations, which should not take more than a week, weather permitting, they will publish a recommendation. Now this is all predicated on the assumption that this sub-committee doesn’t have any questions bearing on their ability to make a decision. Once the recommendation is published, that recommendation goes to the actual Ways and Means committee for them to decide if they will accept the recommendation.” 
    Dahl paused for breath. The Chairman looks around and thinks, there are more people asleep now than before he started that long-winded explanation. 
    Senator Dahl starts again, or I guess it is a continuation. “Now the only thing that can mess up the momentum of this action is the lobbyists who have heard about the possibility of Ways and Means spending money to do a study on whether or not to fund an environmental study to test the various effects of differing dates for spring to begin.” 
    The Chairman knows all this, but even his eyes are starting to cross. Unfortunately, Senator Dahl is not finished, so continues, “For something as simple as this decision there will only be about thirty to forty lobbyists who will feel compelled to get the people who’ve hired them, oars in these waters. And these lobbyists could be representing anything from the Washington Apple Growers Association to the Society to Educate Samoan Grade School Students on the Proper Disposal of Condoms. So we’ll have lobbyists messing about with the sub-committee members and then with the Ways and Means Committee members, so that by the time an order to disburse comes down from the exalted heights of the Ways and Means Committee, it will no doubt contain funds not only for your environmental study, but for all sorts of other stuff. 
    Now up to this point, with the week in Aruba, and all the time that will have been spent, your request will have only cost the taxpayer twenty-three million dollars.” 
     The Chairman waits for Senator Dahl to continue, but when he doesn’t, asks, “So Senator, can you get this ball rolling? Some of us would like to have spring sometime yet in this calendar year.” 
    Senator Dahl finds this to be quite amusing. He asks, “Really, this year? That’s a good one, Herman.” And as Senator Dahl walks out of the Chamber he keeps saying while quietly chuckling and shaking his head, “This year? Really.” 
    Your tax dollars at work.

Some Things Just Sort of Seem Self-Evident 

   In Alaska, a man came upon a moose and her calf. The man came to the conclusion that this pair of woodland creatures was in his way, so he kicked the moose. In retaliation the moose stomped on his foot and did considerable damage. Or so we’re told. Now moose being what they are, this man is lucky that he didn’t get dropped kicked into the next county. You’d think that not kicking a moose would be somewhat self-evident. Now it is. 

    If this had happened in Louisiana, where a resident might not be up on approved moose etiquette, we might expect this kind of unenlightened behavior. But in Alaska, where moose are wandering all over the landscape, and warnings about ‘not kicking the moose’ are tacked to every fence post, or so we’re led to believe, you’d expect this guy to know better. Now he does. 

    And then we have the guy who snuck into his ex-girlfriend’s house, and while hiding in her attic, fell through the ceiling. The report tells us that this man had been previously arrested for stealing women’s clothes, and that he had been recently released from the hospital. The exact sequence of events is somewhat hazy. We don’t know why he was in the hospital, but we can guess. We’re not sure if the attic thing was to evade police who were looking for him, or if he just had a thing about attics, or maybe a thing for the ex-girlfriend. Or then again maybe he didn’t have a clue what he was doing. But my point is that the decision to hide in the attic was a poor decision that should have been fairly self-evident. Now it is. 

    And then we have Los Angeles where a young boy, while playing on some wooden planks that covered an access portal to the city’s sewer system, broke through the planks and fell into the sewer, where he spent twelve hours before he could be rescued. It had have been a horrific experience for the young boy, and we’re glad he survived. But a couple points - - this portal to the city sewer was in a park, where this boy’s family, as well as other people, were having an outing. 

   Now if this had been, say, a non-working drinking fountain or something similar, the city would no doubt have had it fenced off along with posted warning signs, and probably a Park Police presence to keep people from trying to use the thing. But for an access portal to a twenty-five foot drop down into the city’s sewer system, they felt that a couple boards across the opening would suffice. You’d think something better would have been self-evident. Now it is.

What You Eat Can Kill You – So Wait Until Next Week When it Will Good for You 

    Another article about food that has been passed before my eyes is now telling me that fats, for so long the bug-a-boo of a healthy diet, are now essential. But not all fats. A person needs a built-in computer to keep track of the difference between the good and bad fats. And that computer better be able to keep up with this information, as tomorrow it will change. 

    Vegetable oils, so long the saviors of the healthy diet and the only thing keeping our hearts going, we now find are lowering our cholesterol but increasing our chances of dying. Figure that one out. After all we heard about high cholesterol and to what lengths we went to avoid it, we now find that there are good and bad cholesterols. Again, the need for that built in computer. 

    There are all these studies showing just about any conclusion you want to support. Red meat is bad, red meat is good for you, as long as the cow has been fed grass and not grain. Mediterranean diet is the only way to go; Mediterranean diet will kill you. It used to be that you had to eat mostly carbs, and now we know, or think we do, that carbs are bad. Dairy was something no one would touch who had any respect for their body and wanted to live a long life, but now dairy is not so bad and maybe just what we need. 

    You can pick anything that you like to eat and find a study supporting your desires.

   What I’d like to see is a study that tells us the effect on longevity and contentment of constantly worrying about what we’re eating. I’m guessing that the study would find that we could eat about anything we wanted, as long as we ate a variety of foods in moderation and didn’t worry about it. Just an idea.

Journalism at Its Finest? 

   First let’s look at the headline of this new article filed by Nicholas Cardona and picked up by AOL news - - - 

 Neighbor of Shooting Range Tied to Trump Family: 

    What does “tied to” in this headline mean? It could be several things. The neighbor is an employee of the Trump family---the neighbor is a third cousin to someone named Trump---the neighbor once talked with a Trump family member. 
    So we have no idea how this neighbor is connected to someone named Trump, or if what the neighbor says is of any significance to this news article. 
    Next - - It states that Donald and Eric have “ties to a company that owns a shooting range”---it could mean that they own the company that owns the shooting range company - -it could mean that they own stock in the company - - it could mean that they once bought a candy bar from this company - -
    Next, Nicholas claims “that the AP is reporting that it looks like the Trumps acquired the property through limited liability companies.” So the AP is saying that it “looks like”---which tells me that the AP has no idea, and are too lazy to find out, but have just enough energy to publish this news article - investigative journalism this isn’t. 
    So, the news article tells us nothing substantive. But it does, I believe, try to leave the casual reader with the idea that the Trumps are operating a shooting range. And this right on the heels of the latest horrendous school shooting. Curious timing.
    The question here is, what is Nicholas trying to tell us with this news article? It could look like he is trying to get the name Trump and shooting range in the same thought, so the unsophisticated reader will come away saying, “Trump, shooting range, Wow!” and with the recent school shooting fresh in their minds, somehow get lodged in their heads the thought that the Trumps are probably complicit in the school shooting. 
    Or again, maybe it’s just plain sloppy journalism.