Give A What on The What When? 

    The Swiss Hiking Federation has come up with some guidelines for being around Swiss cattle. 1. never hug a Swiss cow, 2. never caress a calf, 3. don’t look a Swiss cow directly in the eye, 4. Never wave sticks at a cow, and the one I really like, 5. in the event of absolute need, give the cow a precise blow to the muzzle. 
    I’ve been around a lot of cows. I’ve chased cows from the pasture to the milking parlor. I’ve even been chased by cows, so feel I’m somewhat of an authority on cows and how to handle them. The ones I knew were not Swiss, but I don’t think the language barrier would make a great deal of difference.
    Guidelines one and two are okay. Number three---is something I never even thought about during all my time with cows. I can’t imagine it making a great deal of difference to the cow or to me. 
    The same with guideline number four--- 
   
    Now for guideline number five---Have you ever tried to give a cow a precise blow on the muzzle when it’s chasing you intent on doing you bodily harm? 
    Picture this: You’re running flat out, probably across rough terrain. Behind you is a cow, closing on your backside. You have a very limited time to evade this 1500 pounds of agile, angry, animal. You’re of necessity weighting all your options, like how about the nearest barbwire fence, and whether to go under, through, or over, knowing that any of those three choices will be painful, with the upside that the resulting scars will be with you for a long time---or desperately looking for any other way to allude this bovine. 
    Again, you’re running flat out, and in the middle of this you’re supposed to reach behind you and give this cow a precise blow on the snout? Give me a break.