Selecting a Vice President – May God Help Her or Him 

       Right now we have both the Republican and Democratic presumptive, uh, just a minute. Is this the first time the word presumptive has been used to describe a possible presidential candidate? I don’t remember hearing it used in this context before. Maybe I’ve just not been paying attention. I think I’ve been accused of that once or twice before. 
      But I digress. 
      I looked up the word in my Oxford English Dictionary. Of course, this is an English publication. Paraphrasing Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, the English and Americans haven’t spoken the same language for over 100 years. 
      But I digress again. 
      My dictionary gives this blurp on the word “Presumptive – adjective, presumed in the absence of further information, or behaving with disrespectful boldness; presumptuous.” 
     For the word presumptuous I get “Presumptuous - adjective - behaving with disrespectful boldness.” 
     Okay, I can see that all in both candidates. 
     Back to the start: We have both candidates trotting out one possible VP after another. I think they’re hoping the public will latch onto one of these possible running mates and give the candidates some direction on who to choose. No matter if each choice may or may not be any good at actually being a VP. 
      Why either candidate thinks the general public has the knowledge or skills to pick a viable VP is questionable. After all, look who the majority of them voted for in the primaries. 
      The whole thing reminds me of a horse auction, where the possible buyers get to inspect the merchandise before the auction begins. You know, checking their teeth, feeling the legs for scars from past surgeries or fractures, running the hands over the whole horse, like they know what they’re doing, asking about the gasping sound the horse is making, like it just galloped all the way to the sale. And asking why the middle of the back is so noticeable lower than the withers or its croup or why it only stands on three legs (My grand niece and nephew, Tara and John, sure could have been a help with this part.) 
     Anyway, that’s what the American public is doing to these VP possibles. 
      Either each candidate is unsure of their own ability to choose a running mate, or both candidates are just pimping out a stable of VP choices to see who gets the most action. 
      If nothing else, it’s slightly entertaining. 
      I just feel sorry for the poor schmucks who get picked.

Pardon Me While I Enjoy A Little Rant 

     Today I noticed a news blurp reporting Caitlyn Jenner saying, “Trump seems to be very much for women.” First of all, that statement doesn’t tell us anything, so why is it news? Only because it’s Caitlyn Jenner saying it.
     And who cares? 
     The answer to that question is the company producing the news. They know that enough people will read the news report and the ads that go along with it, just because they want to know what Caitlyn has to say. And that’s the bottom line for the purveyors of the news. They are big business just like General Motors, or the pharmaceutical companies. They need to make a profit to satisfy their stockholders, and if using some inane statement from Caitlyn Jenner to attract the reader’s attention and draw them to the advertising, then so be it. And I don’t blame them for a second. They have to make a profit to stay in business. 
     But back to where I was going with this at the beginning. Why is it such news when a ‘celebrity’ makes some political pronouncement? When they support this or that candidate, why are we subjected to their opinions? Again, only because of their celebrity status. 
     When George Clooney (he just happens to be another one I’ve noticed lately), announces his support for Hillary, why is that news and why should I be influenced by what he thinks? Now I have nothing against George Clooney. He’s a better than average actor (that’s my opinion), and he’s maybe a nice enough person (I’ve not met him). But I’ve no evidence at all to gauge whether he has the background or the inherited or learned skills to determine accurately who would make a good president.
      It’s like someone asking me what type of nuclear reactor they should put into their next submarine. 
     Now I could give them pointers on the management abilities of the people doing the work, because I have some expertise in that area, but nuclear reactors? No way. And no one with any sense would be influenced by my opinion on that subject. 
     But if a ‘celebrity,’ like Sean Connery (remember The Hunt For Red October?), gives an opinion on which nuclear reactor to use, a whole bunch of people would say, “There you go, that’s the one we should be using.” Now again, I think Sean is one of the better actors and I enjoy his work, but I’m guessing his knowledge on nuclear reactors is about as limited as mine. If I’m wrong, Sean, I apologize. 
     It would be refreshing if a reporter would ask Joe Somebody’s Neighbor, who he was going to vote for, then printed his answer in a news report. You know why they don’t? The few people who would start reading would finally say, “Who’s Joe S. Neighbor anyway, I never heard of this guy,” and last, “why am I reading this?” 
     The determining factor for the company producing this news report is that their readers would stop before getting to the attached ads. There would not be any possible profit in this news story. 
    What I’m trying to say is that it bothers me a little that people will take the advice of some ‘celebrity’ on any subject, just because they are a ‘celebrity’. 
    The fact that the news producing company takes advantage of this tendency to make money, is just business.

Picture This 

      You’re idling along across the Serengeti Plain, riding in the back of an open-topped truck along with about a dozen other people who want to look at and photograph the wildlife that is all around you. The bed of the truck is high enough off the ground to discourage all but the most determined wild animal from reaching you. Of course the giraffes and elephants have no problem getting to you if they want. And of course the cats can climb in to join you, like I said, if they are determined, hungry, or pissed off enough. 
      You and your fellow travelers are enjoying the sights and sounds and the photographic opportunities. You’ve been traveling together for about a week, and gotten to know each other, so there is a certain amount of casual camaraderie. 
      Then, one of your fellow travelers, a woman to be exact, stands up in the front of the group, holds up a bottle of ‘Extreme Unplug’ and asks, “How many of you are having or have had a problem with constipation? 
       Now, in your wildest imagination can you see this group ignoring all the natural beauty around them and getting into a serious discussion about the state of their possibly uncooperative bowels?    
     Or more likely, can you see this group getting to their feet and pitching this laxative purveyor over the side to hopefully get eaten by the local fauna. 
      What brought on this scenario is a current ad, which follows the above script, give or take. And since I’ve not watched the whole ad, I can’t attest to what happens to this lady and her laxative. I know what I would have voted for if I had been on the back of that truck.

How Do You Know If You Are Cut Out For A Specific Occupation? 

     One way to find out is the ‘try it’ method. This is probably what this gentleman in Lexington, Kentucky, had in mind. 
     This man stopped by a Chuck E. Cheese’s and picked up a job application. Later that day he came back for an interview. During the interview he announced that he was robbing the place. To support his demands he hinted at the fact that he had a gun, although no one saw it. 
     The manager told this wanna-be robber that he didn’t have access to the safe, and asked him to leave. 
     According to police, the man apologized to the employees and then started to cry. 
     Many people would wonder how they’d do at robbery as an occupation, but wouldn’t have the guts to actually try it. This gentleman did. So it didn’t work. At least now he knows, and when the justice system is done with him he can try something else.

How To Influence and Motivate People 

     Question - If you saw a man stuff two vampire bats into his mouth, and then open his mouth and let them fly away, what would your first reaction be? 
      Vomit in your soup? 
      Ask somebody to call a psychiatrist? 
      Or, rush out and make sure you had correctly sorted your garbage in the politically correct manner in order to save the environment? 
      Well, in Brazil there is an environmental activist by the name of Arteval Daurte, who hopes you choose option number three. Because, he claims, that’s why he’s doing this stunt with the bats. 
     Now if the bat stunt doesn’t convince you to rush out to save the planet, then he will do the same thing, but with snakes. If you're really a hard sell, then he will suspend himself in a wooden box that has been set on fire. 
     What intrigues me is what in his background leads him to believe that any of these three stunts will make anyone even think about environmental issues let alone become an activist?

Other Examples of Internet Journalistic Excellence 

     Headline - Sea turtle rescued from fishing line with pole attached off Florida.        So what are we to learn from this headline. That a sea turtle got rescued from a fishing line is pretty straightforward and clear. 
     The problem has to do with the pole. Is it really attached to something off Florida. Probably not, but then who knows for sure what a turtle is going to do, or a Floridian for that matter. 
     A simple comma would have made a huge difference. 

     Headline - Giant bison herd blocks traffic on Yellowstone road. 
     Okay, but just looking at the pictures these bison they don’t look any larger than your average bison. Now if they mean that a giant herd of bison blocked a Yellowstone road, that’s something else. 

     Headline - Elephant brought to a halt by intimidating little girl.  
     The first question is who was intimidating whom? Was it the little girl or was it the elephant? The report tells us that it was the elephant who halted at the sight of the little girl. 
     What the report is guessing at is that the elephant was intimidated. Maybe the elephant was just astounded to find this little girl in its path. Or maybe the elephant stopped because it was amused to find this little girl standing there with one arm raised. 
      The report is guessing that the little girl is motioning the elephant to stop. Maybe the little girl is just giving the elephant a friendly wave.

It Was Bound To Happen Sooner or Later – I Was Hoping For Later 

     According to a report filed by Daniel Uria, there is a Colorado company that is now offering wine for cats. According to their rational, this wine is for cat owners who enjoy sharing a glass of wine with their pets.      I could have gone a whole lifetime without once thinking, Boy I wish I could share a glass of wine with my cat. 
     Of course, it might be different if I had a cat. 
     This product is beet-based. There you go; these people must think that cats are really dumb. First of all, I would not explain this beet-based fact to the cat I was hoping would join me in a snort. Like I hinted, cats aren’t dumb. 
     To help make up for the beet thing they have included some catnip in this drink. Okay, that’s more like it! 
     Did I mention that this cat wine has no alcohol in it? 
     On the up side, the catnip will make the cat react to its ‘wine’ much the same as you’ll react to the alcohol in your wine. You’ll both lose your inhibitions, have a hard time staying upright, and neither one of you will remember what happened, except you’ll have a craving to repeat whatever it was that got you into this condition. 
     Now tell me, who wouldn’t want to share that experience with their cat?