Well, That's One Way to Do It
     Picture this: You're headed to the airport. You've been planning this trip for a long time, but it looks like you're going to miss your flight. What do you do?
    An Italian couple solved it this way. They were late, the stairway to the plane had been removed and the plane was moving away from the terminal. The boarding door was locked, so the couple went to an adjacent unguarded boarding door, forced it open, and ran out onto the tarmac.
     For some reason the plane didn't let them board. The security staff caught up with them and hauled them off to jail.
     They tried an alternate method of catching their plane and it didn't work. Now they know. 

And They Say Vegetables Are Good For You
     All my life I've been told that vegetables are good for me and just lately I've begun to believe it. It has been sort of like brainwashing. You hear something so long and pretty soon your brain assumes it's true. But this news has set the process back about forty years.
     In Southern California a woman hit her boyfriend in the head with a can of carrots, a can of chicken broth, and a can of peas. The boyfriend didn't survive the dose of vegetables, which didn't surprise me at all. And it wasn't even a good combination of canned goods at that. The girlfriend probably isn't a very good cook.

From Uncle Vellanoff's Journal

Why Ask Me

          One topic of conversation that was common in all parts of the country and all levels of society was the weather.

    One time when we were playing in Seattle it had rained for a week. As often happened, we were invited to the home of a show-admirer. When we were sitting around the dining room table and conversation sort of lagged, I asked the young son, “Does it ever quit raining around here?”

    The kid said, somewhat belligerently, “How should I know, I’m only seven years old.”

That’s What Happens When You Have Too Much Of A Good Thing!

    As reported by Michael Holden for Reuters, England has had so many kings and queens that they seem to have become a little careless with them. Several years ago they found King Richard III buried under a parking lot. That doesn’t seem very respectful.

     Now they have somehow mislaid King Henry.

    This seems a little slapdash to me.

    With all due respect, how does all this make the current queen feel. A little uneasy I would bet. I hope that she has a place picked out as her final resting place, and I hope that she has some notes stuck around the palace reminding people where that place is.

I’ll Bet He’ll Vote Next Time

   An Arizona woman was upset because her husband didn’t vote. So what did she do about it? Driving her car, she chased the guy down and ran over him. He now has a broken pelvis and other injuries to remind him of the error of his ways.

    The current plan is for her to spend 3 ½ years in prison, and then spend another 4 years of supervised probation.

    Now, getting-out-the-vote is a universal problem that every political entity struggles with---at least in any kind of system approaching a democracy. To solve this dilemma, each one of us who does vote could just each take one non-voting person and run over them, thereby convincing them they should vote. Then that person could run over someone, and that person someone, and pretty soon we would have everyone voting for fear of getting run over again.

    Well then again, maybe it’s not such a good idea. Please don’t go out and run over someone.                                                                                    That’s Wrong With “No Comment?”

  In New Haven, Conn. early one morning a woman called police to report a break-in. She heard a noise in the hall and called out, “Who’s there?” and got the reply, “Bob.” With that, the man fled from the house.

  The police say there are looking for a burglar named Bob. WOW! Talk about a hot lead---no description, no fingerprints, no stolen goods to track, just “Bob.”

   What surprises me is that the police would put out a statement admitting they have such a lame lead. Just plain embarrassing. Whatever happened to “No comment, or “We can’t discuss an ongoing investigation,” or just plain “Go away."

  I’m guessing that Press Officer is now writing parking tickets in the New Haven slums.