This Ebola Thing Is Serious

A sub-headline from website news: “President Obama addressed the ebola outbreak that has killed more than 2,400 people during a press conference at the CDC on Thursday.”

 

When I read that I thought, now that press conference lasted about fifteen minutes. And 2,400 people died during that short time period. Holy Moly, this situation is serious.

Low Slung Pants, That’s So Yesterday

 I think these people in Ocala, Florida, have it figured out. Let me explain: this city has had a ban against wearing pants that intentionally expose underwear or buttocks. If caught doing so the ban threatened jail time.

 

Some citizens thought that his ban was targeting young black males.

 

So the city council voted that this style would not be banned in the future because it was a fashion statement.

 

Now when these kids find out that the way they wear their pants is a fashion statement and excepted by their peers and adults they will find another way to rebel and I’m guessing the low-riding pants will disappear. These are smart folks in Ocala.

Eeyore, Beam Me Down

In Roswell, New Mexico, a man rolled his car. Okay, it happens. State police found the car but could not find the driver. Seven hours later this driver called 911 reporting he had been lost and found himself surrounded by animals, mainly donkeys.

 

The driver and his passenger had been drinking the night before and the driver didn’t remember anything since. Both the driver and his passenger sustained some injuries. The article didn’t say where or when the passenger showed up.

 

Now if this had happened any place in the world except Roswell, we’d not even be hearing about it. However, Roswell being the absolute center for unexplained phenomena involving extraterrestrial things, like people getting snatched up into space ships to be examined, puts this story in a whole different light. One of the earmarks of anything involving these extraterrestrial beings is that the people getting snatched and examined can’t remember getting snatched and examined. As everyone knows, not being able to remember something happening is the first evidence that that thing happened.

 

The fact that the extraterrestrials dropped him down among a drove of donkeys is disturbing. Obviously, they couldn’t tell the difference. Do we all resemble donkeys, or just this one drunk guy?

Stick’em Up

Let’s say that you, the reader, are clerking at a convenience store. A man comes in, stands in line, and on the way up to the counter steals a banana. He may actually plan on paying for the thing, but his subsequent actions would lead us to doubt that.

 

When this customer gets to the counter, he points this banana at you and demands cash and some cigarettes. He is hiding the banana under his sweatshirt, but still _ _ _ _.

 

Now how are you going to explain this to the police? He looked like he knew his way around a banana. I’m sure it was loaded. Rather pitiful, huh?

 

Then to add embarrassment to an already embarrassing situation, this perp rides off on a bicycle.

 

I imagined the police put out an APB on the bicycle, ridden by a guy with banana on his breath.

Forget the Dog, Just Send Money

We’ve all heard of the dog that got left someplace and then would find its way home, crossing half the country, through sleet and snow, and the dead of night - - oh, I guess that’s mail delivery persons. Anyway it’s a familiar scenario to most everyone and the subject of several movies and shorter TV programs.

 

We now have a case (according to Courtney Sherwood and Reuters) where a dog left home in Philadelphia turned up 3,000 miles away in Portland, Oregon. No one has an idea why or how the dog did what she did. The shelter manager where this dog ended up reported that she is microchipped and the owner’s information is current, so they were able to contact said owner.

 

Up to this point I thought, well how curious, a Lassie story in reverse. Then the last sentence gave it all away. At least to my way of thinking. It explained that the owners are trying to raise funds to bring the dog back to Philadelphia.

 

Ah Ha! A possible scam? These people take their dog out to Portland, turn it loose, and scurry home. They get a call that the dog has traveled 3,000 miles and has been found. Oh, thank goodness! Then they make an appeal for funds to get their miracle dog back home. People, being what they are, donate to this heart-warming cause. These dog owners collect $18,400 in donations and then pay FedEx $125 to overnight the dog back home.