Be Careful Who You Make Fun Of

From my journal

September, 2014

     For the past thirty years I’ve been making fun of Oregon’s gas-pumping policy. For those of you who might not know what I’m talking about, Oregon’s policy is that people buying gas cannot handle the equipment themselves, but that a gas station employee must do the pumping. I don’t know of any other state with such requirements.

     I’ve made comments about Oregon thinking their citizens are not smart enough to pump gas, etc. I was not trying to be unkind, mind you. I just found it somewhat humorous. Of course, I find humor in many things. In some cases things that other people struggle to find funny

 

     Now that I’ve been back in Oregon for a couple years, I have found it disconcerting how easy it has been to get used to someone else doing this little chore for me. When I find myself outside this state’s borders, I feel put upon when expected to pump my own gas. Oh how easy it is to become lazy and ready to depend on the kindness of strangers, or in this case gas station employees.

To Croak Or Not To Croak

     Fort Worth firefighters put out a fire and in the process rescued a frog belonging to a young girl. She was overjoyed to get her amphibian friend back. The report does not say if the frog reciprocated the feelings.

 

     The fire department has saved cats and dogs and now they can add a frog to their list.

     The fire department is trying to determine how the fire started. My guess? It wasn’t the frog. 

A Kinder Gentler Portland?

     Oregon that is. A pizza delivery guy got in a car accident while on a delivery. The people waiting for their pizza called Pizza Hut and complained about the long wait. The manager, not knowing what had happened to his delivery person, made another pizza and delivered it to the waiting family.

 

     Now the Portland police, who had answered the call to the accident, not having anything else to do, decided to deliver the pizza from the wrecked pizza-delivery-car themselves. So then the family had two pizzas, although one of them was probably cold.

 

     The home owner just had to take a picture of the two officers delivering the pizza and somehow it got into the hands of KOIN-TV. I’m sure the police department is thrilled for the general populace to get a glimpse of how their public servants spend their time and tax dollars. Although in Portland something this warm and fuzzy probably trumps fiscal responsibility.

Market Pundits or Pinheads

     Yesterday the market pundits explained the drop in the market by saying it had to do with the concern of world unrest. Today the market went up 154 points. The pundits had a lot to say, but none of the verbiage covered a reason for the market increasing under the same world conditions that had taken the market down. I think these guys have a large dartboard with all these excuses on it, and they just throw a dart to pick what to talk about. That’s why I only read the “financials” about twice a year and then it’s mostly accidental. Besides, I have people to do that and so far they’ve done an adequate job.

Unconscious Adjustments

     It was brought to my attention again today how a person adjusts to changing physical abilities. Take the simple task of getting into my car.

 

     In the past, I would fling the door open. It would go back against the stop, then bounce back toward the closed position. In the meantime, I would slip into the car, the door would close beside me, and I would be good to go.

 

     Now I open the door and make sure it’s pushed to the most open position and is caught on the stop. Then I ease myself into the car, get seated, then reach out and pull the door close. If I tried to get in the car the old way, the door would catch me in the process and probably clip off my left foot at the ankle.

     Just another unconscious adjustment based on what my brain, at least most of the time, knows my body can deliver.

I Just Ate What?

 September, 2014

     So what is going on in northern California? Recently a man was arrested for cooking and feeding his girlfriend a dog. Not his dog, but her pet dog. She didn’t know what she was eating until after she was done. The article did not say if she enjoyed the meal.

     Then the guy put a bag containing two paws on her front porch. Now I’m no expert but I would guess that this is not a healthy relationship and probably will not last overly long..

     The dog was a Pomeranian, so I’m guessing left-over’s were probably not an issue.

     The second northern California thing is that they have nudists stealing water. It seems that the area is having a drought, so this water stealing is a serious offense. In the nudists favor is the fact that they don’t seem to be drinking the water. They are using it to keep their fire pond filled which they also use for skinny-dipping. I mean, how can you argue against that?

     So a word to the wise - - - if you’re in northern California, be careful what you eat and drink.

You’re Going To Serve What

While we’re on the subject of eating strange things, consider this. In Europe they have a small songbird called an Ortolan. It is a bunting. If that doesn’t mean anything to you, and if you care, look it up. In the past this bird has been a gastronomic delicacy. It is prepared whole and eaten whole, except for the beak and feet. Why they would exclude those three items I’m not sure. It certainly can’t be from squeamishness, considering that other than that they devour the whole thing.

Since 1999 it has been illegal to eat these little birds. I guess even the French have developed some standards for what they will consume. But there are some chefs requesting a waiver so they can serve this bird once a year.

In case some of you want to try this delicacy---the bird is stuffed, while alive, with whatever it wants, (you know the old last meal thing), which is usually millet and then plucked, soaked in Armagnac (brandy), and roasted in the oven.

The traditional way of eating the bird is with a napkin draped over your head. “Some say the napkin serves to conceal them spitting out bones, others that it helps to seal in aromas, and still others that it serves to fend off the shame of being seen by God eating a song-bird.” (Reuters)

There you go  - - bon appetit.

What Do You Get A Patriarch   

What do you give His Holiness of Moscow and All Russia when he comes to visit? Especially if the visit is to a civilian and military aircraft plant in Russia’s far-east? Why? Nothing else will do but to give him a SU-35 single-seater fighter jet.

After all he gave workers at the plant icons that he himself had blessed. And who is this? None other than His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia.

The announcement did not say if the fighter jet was life sized or a model. But there is nothing to suggest that it was a model. Just one of the things the reporter could have included to good effect. Another thing was what His Holiness was going to do with a fighter jet.

Those icons must have been some kind of gifts. Of course you must remember they had been blessed.

The fighter jet may come in handy for the Patriarch as he has been, according to the article, talking about the need to defend the homeland, and extending Russia’s influence over its previous sphere of influence. That would include Ukraine, as that part of the Orthodox Church went its own way when Ukraine separated from Russia.

Talk about a hard sell for bringing church members back into the fold.

Now if his rhetoric sounds a little familiar remember that he is good friends with Putin. Or so the article says. Of course the article could have been dictated by Putin.

(Reported by Alessandra Prentice; Additional reporting by Thomas Grove; Editing by Sonya Hepinstall)

Several days later we were told that the gift was a model plane.

 

 

 

 

This Ebola Thing Is Serious

A sub-headline from website news: “President Obama addressed the ebola outbreak that has killed more than 2,400 people during a press conference at the CDC on Thursday.”

 

When I read that I thought, now that press conference lasted about fifteen minutes. And 2,400 people died during that short time period. Holy Moly, this situation is serious.

Low Slung Pants, That’s So Yesterday

 I think these people in Ocala, Florida, have it figured out. Let me explain: this city has had a ban against wearing pants that intentionally expose underwear or buttocks. If caught doing so the ban threatened jail time.

 

Some citizens thought that his ban was targeting young black males.

 

So the city council voted that this style would not be banned in the future because it was a fashion statement.

 

Now when these kids find out that the way they wear their pants is a fashion statement and excepted by their peers and adults they will find another way to rebel and I’m guessing the low-riding pants will disappear. These are smart folks in Ocala.

Eeyore, Beam Me Down

In Roswell, New Mexico, a man rolled his car. Okay, it happens. State police found the car but could not find the driver. Seven hours later this driver called 911 reporting he had been lost and found himself surrounded by animals, mainly donkeys.

 

The driver and his passenger had been drinking the night before and the driver didn’t remember anything since. Both the driver and his passenger sustained some injuries. The article didn’t say where or when the passenger showed up.

 

Now if this had happened any place in the world except Roswell, we’d not even be hearing about it. However, Roswell being the absolute center for unexplained phenomena involving extraterrestrial things, like people getting snatched up into space ships to be examined, puts this story in a whole different light. One of the earmarks of anything involving these extraterrestrial beings is that the people getting snatched and examined can’t remember getting snatched and examined. As everyone knows, not being able to remember something happening is the first evidence that that thing happened.

 

The fact that the extraterrestrials dropped him down among a drove of donkeys is disturbing. Obviously, they couldn’t tell the difference. Do we all resemble donkeys, or just this one drunk guy?

Stick’em Up

Let’s say that you, the reader, are clerking at a convenience store. A man comes in, stands in line, and on the way up to the counter steals a banana. He may actually plan on paying for the thing, but his subsequent actions would lead us to doubt that.

 

When this customer gets to the counter, he points this banana at you and demands cash and some cigarettes. He is hiding the banana under his sweatshirt, but still _ _ _ _.

 

Now how are you going to explain this to the police? He looked like he knew his way around a banana. I’m sure it was loaded. Rather pitiful, huh?

 

Then to add embarrassment to an already embarrassing situation, this perp rides off on a bicycle.

 

I imagined the police put out an APB on the bicycle, ridden by a guy with banana on his breath.

Forget the Dog, Just Send Money

We’ve all heard of the dog that got left someplace and then would find its way home, crossing half the country, through sleet and snow, and the dead of night - - oh, I guess that’s mail delivery persons. Anyway it’s a familiar scenario to most everyone and the subject of several movies and shorter TV programs.

 

We now have a case (according to Courtney Sherwood and Reuters) where a dog left home in Philadelphia turned up 3,000 miles away in Portland, Oregon. No one has an idea why or how the dog did what she did. The shelter manager where this dog ended up reported that she is microchipped and the owner’s information is current, so they were able to contact said owner.

 

Up to this point I thought, well how curious, a Lassie story in reverse. Then the last sentence gave it all away. At least to my way of thinking. It explained that the owners are trying to raise funds to bring the dog back to Philadelphia.

 

Ah Ha! A possible scam? These people take their dog out to Portland, turn it loose, and scurry home. They get a call that the dog has traveled 3,000 miles and has been found. Oh, thank goodness! Then they make an appeal for funds to get their miracle dog back home. People, being what they are, donate to this heart-warming cause. These dog owners collect $18,400 in donations and then pay FedEx $125 to overnight the dog back home. 

 

Humankind May Be In Jeopardy

 Good Grief, Another Cat Attack?

 

 August, 2014

     If this is a trend mankind may be in trouble.

 

     There has been another incident where a cat has taken people hostage, calling for the intervention of the police.

 

     A woman and her adult daughter called 911 and reported that their cat was holding them hostage in a bedroom. They couldn’t get out because every time they tried the cat attacked them. The police came and the cat took exception to their coming into the house until a neighbor brought them a broom, which they used to finally herd the cat outside and free the hostages.

 

     I imagined myself in the same situation and asking the question, “What would I do?” As the cat attacked, there would be several options. Drop kick the feline into the next county, throw a blanket over the cat and safely wrestle the thing into the nearest dumpster, or drop an upside down dresser drawer on the furry ball of fun. All this is assuming that you don’t have a gun in the bedroom. Those are just four out of about forty available suggestions.

 

     To call 911 would be just pitiful and embarrassing.

 

     And the police? Having to get a broom from a neighbor to handle a cat is again pitiful and embarrassing.

 

     I think this is the third time this has happened in the last month or so---not with the same people. And those are just the ones that got reported. This may be the beginning of a global cat uprising.

 Name Tags, The Good, The Bad, The Confusing

 September, 2014

     A couple days ago I was at the store buying some groceries. My check-out guy was shoveling stuff into the plastic bags, and doing an okay job for a beginner, which he isn’t. All the store personnel wear badges showing their names. I guess it expedites litigation if you know who to sue along with the store in general. But I digress.

 

     I usually try to use the name of the people I interact with in these places. I think it’s the result of hanging out with too many sales managers and sales people. They’ve been told that using a person’s name makes people more susceptible to a sales spiel. But I digress again.

 

The name on this check-out guy’s tag was “Rusty.” After some thought I decided to forgo the name-using thing as I wasn’t sure if “Rusty” was his name or his condition.

 

It could have been embarrassing.

When In Doubt, Marry a Dog

September, 2014

As reported by Richard Cazeau, on Yahoo’s Odd News.

 

     Now here is something that might catch on: In India the parents of a particular 18-year-old decided that she had to fight off evil spirits. [Now here is the place where the reporter could have really added to this story. Why did the parents think she had evil spirits or needed to fight them off? What behavior brought this on? This could have been educational with just a little more effort. I’ve seen some people I felt were possibly in the same situation, so some professional sharing of details would have been nice.]

 

     The parent’s solution to fighting-off the evil spirits took the form of marrying this girl to a dog. No, don’t get ahead of me here. I know lots of girls marry dogs, but this was a real dog. A four-legged, furry, tail-wagging, bad breath, hair-shedding dog.   

 

The mother said that it was “the only way to get rid of the daughters bad luck [again a few more details would have been nice], and ensure the benevolence of the village.” It would seem that having to marry a dog would in itself, come under the heading of “bad luck.”

 

It was pointed out that the marriage was not legal. The daughter was free to marry a human, even if that person turned out to be a dog.

 

 

 

 

 

A Duck’s Tale

Or

The Golf Ball That Wouldn’t Hatch

 

Spring has come to stay. And along with spring is a pair of Mallards that have adopted us, or at least our ponds. They hang around, sit in the creeping stuff around the ponds, and sit in the water. The smaller pond will only hold one duck comfortably, so they each sit in their own pond and look at one other. Once in a while they will waddle over under the bird feeders and pick up whatever the smaller birds have dropped on the ground. How long they will bless us with their presence remains to be seen.

 

 

Sunday, May 25, 2014

     As I’ve mentioned we have a pair of ducks that have adopted us. They hang around in our back yard, use our three little ponds, eat our birdseed, and generally entertain us. But they’re not quite right. (Maybe that explains why they’re contented to hang out with us.) For one thing every Mallard hen in a three county area is being trailed around by a batch of ducklings. Not our hen. She laid one egg beside one of the ponds, and then promptly ignored it. The next day it was in the pond and she was eating the shell. The two have mated but either they don’t know what they’re doing or, like I said, there is something wrong with them physically, as well as mentally. Another thing they do, and I’ve seen this several times, when coming home from the small lake on the fifteenth fairway out from our house, is walk. It’s probably sixty-yards and they just walk--like it was not far enough to bother flying. Of course they are probably so overweight from all the birdseed that it takes too much energy to

fly. Anyway, they are a strange pair.

     They pretty much ignore me as I work around in the back yard.

 

 

 

 

Monday, June 2, 2014

          This is an update on our duck couple. Well, they’re not a couple any more. The drake has fled the scene. The hen has chosen her nest site well. Unless you know where to look and what you’re looking for she is nearly invisible.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

     She’s put together this nest at the end of our property on top of a retaining wall and under a neighbor’s bush. It’s very well done and she’s hard to spot.

    

 See the nest? I told you she was good.

One day when she was taking a break, I looked in the nest and sure enough she was sitting on a batch of eggs. How many I couldn’t tell without disturbing the down and other stuff she has pulled together to help cover her eggs.

After she had been on the nest for about a week I put some bird seed on top of the block wall about 12 inches in front her. She jumped up and moved about two feet away from the nest, but no farther.

Then about a week later I put more seed in the same spot. She rose up a little but did not move off the nest. Today I put some more seed in the same place and she just sat there staring at me with a look in her beady eyes that said, “So what took you so long, you’re a half day late, and where were you this weekend? Do you expect me to take care of this place and hatch these eggs all by myself, huh?

 

 

     Now you’ve got to admit that’s a long speech for a pair of beady duck eyes.

 Monday, June 16, 2014

     Well, our Mallard hen is still on the nest. The available information says she should sit on the nest for 28 – 30 days so we have a little time to go yet. I don’t know exactly when she laid those eggs, but it was close to the first mention of her and the nest in this journal, which was June 2.

 Monday, June 23, 2014

     Today the eggs hatched and we had, for a short time, six little ducklings hanging out with their mother. We watched on and off throughout the day to see where they would go. At one point it looked like the mother was trying to push them off the block wall into our yard, which is about a five-foot drop. The kids weren’t cooperating.

Later in the day they were all gone. The neighbor spotted a family over on the lake and after we scrutinized them through his scope, decided that it certainly could be our duck family.

     When the mother duck and the ducklings were still hanging around the nest I tried to take some photos of the family. Whenever I got close enough the chicks would try to crawl under their mother. It was interesting as they seemed to think that if they got their heads under her no one could see them.

     As the day went on, and before she left for the lake, she spent more time wandering around the area close to her nest with her brood following along in a jerky sort of way. One of the times she was away from the nest I looked and found that she had also been sitting on a golf ball as well as her eggs. The golf ball didn’t hatch.

 

 

     Now we’ll have to wait and see if she brings the ducklings back to visit.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

     Today the hen came back to our yard several times. Her brood is now down to four ducklings. She showed them the food under the bird feeders, and our safe little ponds. They were pretty much on the go all day, between our yard and the lake. They spent a lot of time on the fairway between the two places, with the chicks running hither and yon with only one break that we saw, and that was when it was raining fairly hard. During the rain the hen was sitting beside one of our ponds with all four chicks under her. It seems that the down covering the ducklings is not really waterproof and will get wet and that wetness can be detrimental to the health of the duckling. So the hen knows what she’s doing.

Friday, June 27, 2014

     Yesterday I watched as the hen brought her four ducklings over to the yard. They came under the big gate, then under the hedge into our yard. Between the time the brood came under the gate and when they came out from under the hedge (about three feet) one of the ducklings went missing. They were out of sight for about twenty seconds. The hen just came on as if nothing had happened and jumped into our middle pond with the remaining three.

I went out and looked around the gate/hedge area but found no sign of the fourth ducklings--no ducklings, no down, and no duckling parts scattered around, nothing. There had been some jays hanging around the gate/hedge area, so I’ll have to do some research and see if jays will take a duckling. (I didn’t find anything about jays killing ducklings. Maybe somebody out there could comment on this.)

     As this duck family waddles hither and yon two of the ducklings stick relatively close to the mother. However, the third one ranges far afield, seeming to have a mind of its own. This one will probably be the next one to get snatched.

     The hen is bringing them into the yard to eat birdseed and use our ponds five or six times a day. And each time she seems to be spending more time here.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

     Today I was sitting on the deck reading when the mother duck and her three offspring came waddling across the fairway, under the gate, and across our back yard to the bird feeding station. When they finished stuffing themselves they played around in the ponds for a bit. Then the mother and two ducklings left and were on their way back to the fairway and the lake, I assume. One duckling was still in our pond. He, or maybe it’s a she, got more and more frantic, swimming back and forth and jumping up on the lower rocks.

Finally it climbed all the way out of the pond and up onto the ground cover, stretched its neck up as far as it could, and started peeping very loudly, at least for such a small thing. The mother, who was thirty-feet away by this time,  immediately turned around and came back to the fence closest to where the duckling was, quacking loudly all the way. The little duck went over to and through the fence, rejoining the family. Then they all moved back toward the fairway. It seemed that until the little duck started peeping, the mother had no idea that one of her kids was missing. Maybe ducks can’t count. Whodathought?

Another interesting thing--when the mother realized her kid had been left behind she did not return using the route they always take, which is under the gate, (the only place the hen can get through the fence when walking), under the hedge, and into our yard. She came directly to the opposite side of the fence from the little duck, obviously knowing that it could get through the fence (woven wire) without going over to the end of the yard and crawling under the gate. (This gate is an access point for the golf course maintenance people and leads from the course to a paved road running alongside our property and out to the street.)

Wednesday, July 1, 2014

     Yesterday the hen was back in the yard, but with only two of her ducklings. Today she is back and still with only two kids. At this rate she will run out of ducklings before long. Life is tough for a duck.

 

Monday, July 7, 2014

     The mother duck came in a couple times today with her two ducklings. They ate and swam around the ponds and seemed to enjoy themselves. It is interesting to watch how nervous the hen gets when the two kids want to go someplace she doesn’t have on her schedule. Example: She was eating birdseed and the two left her and went over to the ponds. She was eating as fast as she could, all the time trying to watch what the kids were doing. The kids are growing up, changing color, and getting some real feathers. 

Thursday, July 10, 2014

     This morning the hen was eating birdseed. I looked around but saw no ducklings. When she was finished eating, she jumped in the smallest pond, drank some water, dipped her head in a few times, they flew over the fence to the lake. That's right, flew. 

     Only a couple conclusions come to mind. She feels comfortable leaving the ducklings over in the lake while she comes over and gets something to eat. Or the ducklings have come to an untimely end. Or it was another duck altogether.

     We will give this situation a couple more days before concluding this duck tale has come to an end.

Friday, July 11, 2014

     This morning Lorraine came dashing into the office and said that I needed to come and look. I did so and what did she have to show me? The mother duck was waddling her way down the ridge, toward our back yard with two ducklings in tow.

 

     So the first or third conclusions from yesterday must have been the right ones. I can’t believe that the duck that came in yesterday was not the mother. She just seemed too familiar with the birdseed and the little ponds to not be our mother duck. So our duck’s tale continues.

 

 

 Sunday, July 13, 2014

     The ducklings are growing up. They are getting some feathers.

 

Sunday, July 19, 2014

     The two ducklings are still with us. The mother brings them over at least once a day for birdseed and to play in our ponds. They continue to grow. This morning instead of going directly from the ponds over to the fence and out on the fairway, they all traipsed completely around the house to get to the same place. What that was all about I have no idea. The ducklings are getting bigger each day.

 

Monday, July 28, 2014

     Today our family ducks came over from the lake and ate their fill and had a drink in the ponds, then waddled off back toward the lake. This is the first time we’ve seen them for about a week. I’m not saying they haven’t been here. Of course we’ve been gone for several days of that week. We can definitely see the difference in their size, feathers, and coloring. Mamma duck has managed to hang on to the last two ducklings so far.

 

Thursday, August 6, 2014

     This morning the two ducklings came waddling over from the lake and proceeded to feed themselves. The hen showed up later. The ducklings are getting bigger, which is to be expected. One of them is larger. I’m not sure what that means.

     Later in the day the two kids came over again and ate their fill and left. The mother never showed. After that the mother and both kids came over. When they come they walk up to the first pond, climb in, swim across, which is about two paddles, climb out, and go for the birdseed. Obviously they know that a straight line is the shortest distance between where they are and where they want to be. The fact that it takes more work to get there instead of walking around our little pond is something they haven’t figured out yet. So far I’ve seen no effort at flying or even wing flapping.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Today our threesome once again waddled over from the lake to clean up under the bird feeders. One thing happened that added a layer of mystery to this duck tale. I was sitting in my office working, very diligently (it surprised us all), when I looked out and noticed a mother duck and two offspring coming our way. They were headed for the gate under which our three crawl to gain access to our backyard. I grabbed the camera and went out onto the deck to get a current picture of our loyal threesome. As I was waiting for them to get under the gate and through the hedge I looked around and found that there were already a mother duck and two offspring slurping up our goodies. OKAY, I thought. What’s going on here? We have noticed occasionally a second female duck hanging around our three birdseed-addicted ducks and even going as far as helping herself to our birding station’s off-fall. So now we are wondering--does she also have two ducklings? And is she trying to introduce them to some easy pickings? The first threesome I saw today didn’t actually come under the gate but followed it going away from our yard and disappeared in the golf-course rough. I guess time will tell if we have one set of welfare ducks or two.

Our ducklings are getting bigger all the time. One of them now has some blue coloring on the speculum, as you can see from the different camera angle.

 

 
Sunday, August 17, 2014

Today, like most days, the hen and two ducklings came over from the lake to partake of our largess and dip their beaks in our ponds. They are getting to the point that if they are not with their mother the adolescent ones could easily be mistaken for adults. If a person didn’t look too close or know what an adult Mallard looks like.

 

 Family heading up the ridge toward the lake.

Friday, August 22, 2014

     Today the Mallard hen brought one young duck over to fill up on birdseed. The last couple times she’s visited she has only had one kid in tow. Prior to that we’ve had the two kids here a number of times by themselves. The one adolescent she had along today had a bad limp. It’s getting harder and harder to tell which is the mother and which is the young ones as their size is pretty much the same. About the only difference now is the size of the speculum. So far we have not seen either of the young fly. Of course we’ve only seen the mother flying once since the kids came along. I’ve a feeling this ducks tale is near its end.

 

Monday, August 25, 2014

     This morning the hen showed up with two offspring in tow. And neither one of them had a limp. So either the malady cleared up since the last entry in this journal or we are being visited by two different hens, one with one adolescent duck and the other with two. Who knows? This is probably politically incorrect but all female ducks look the same to me.

     As they come across the back yard the kids cut right across the biggest pond. When getting out of this pond they now give a couple flaps of their wings to help crawl out. This is the first time I’ve seen them do anything that looks like they may have an idea of what their wings are all about. For the last several weeks the mother walks around the ponds. She may be so fat from my bird seed that she’s afraid of not being able to float. Of course, that’s just a guess on my part.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

     Today the two adolescent ducks came over from the lake to get their fill of birdseed. One of them is limping again. So I don’t really know if we have two sets of ducks or just one set with a accident prone kid. We haven’t seen the hen now for a week. It is hard to tell who is who as all three look pretty much the same.

     I think this is about the end of the tale. We’ve had a pair of ducks mate, lay six eggs, nurture those eggs and one golf ball, and had all six eggs hatch. The hen lost four of the ducklings, but raised two until they were adults, or close to being adults as we could tell. The ducklings seem to come and go at will, sometimes with the hen and sometimes alone. We’ve not seen them fly. They obviously prefer to walk. Hopefully they have no far-reaching travel plans. It was interesting to watch the whole process. At times we wondered if we were hosting more than one family of ducks. We don’t know the answer to that. Maybe the second family was hired as stand-ins, so our hen and ducklings could take a break from being in photo mode all the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Did I Say Dissuaded?

Editor’s note: These are short excerpts from Uncle Vellanoff’s journal 

At one time we were playing the Majestic in San Diego. One afternoon, when we had no matinees or evening performances several of our members went across the border to Tijuana. While there they heard a rumor that the police were told to be on the lookout for a fellow from Wisconsin and another from Minnesota. There was no connection between the two gentlemen. The police got word that someone had spotted both of them at the local cockfights, so the police converged on the scene. They immediately spotted the Wisconsin guy because he had brought a duck to the fight. Neither was it hard to spot the guy from Minnesota as he was betting on the duck.

     When we opened in the town of Claxton, Georgia, we found that our program was about fifteen minutes short. We players got together and came up with a performance about puns. It was a play on words. During the first performance, the groans from the audience dissuaded us from repeating that particular presentation.

     You’re probably wondering where someone new to the English language could come up with the word dissuaded. Well, one day when - - but that’s not really an interesting story.

     For some time we had as a member of our group an English gentleman who admitted to having political leanings toward Communism. While in England he had attended a Communism class but confessed that he had to drop out because of lousy Marx.

     This same gentleman, when first coming to America, had no money and was desperate for a job. He spent weeks trying to get some employment in and around the theaters, but to no avail. Besides being an actor, of sorts, he only had one other skill, and that was as a baker. He said, “I finally took a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.”

     We had another fellow in our troupe who had fought with the French Fifth Army during World War I. He didn’t like to talk much about his experiences, but from the few comments he did make we could tell that the experience had been pure hell. He jokingly claimed that because he had survived mustard gas and pepper spray he was now a Seasoned Veteran.

     One member of our troupe did a one-man routine where he would eat anything someone from the audience would suggest. He ate handbags, belts, shoes, plus some really disgusting stuff. He had been doing this for several years and in the process he had become, or at least I thought so, addicted to brake fluid. But he claimed that he could stop at any time.

     We always enjoyed playing New York City. With all the theaters and other cultural establishments, it was just a great place to be. One of the things we enjoyed was a good relationship with the New York City Police. They were good about keeping our performances free of people who would have been disruptive, either on purpose or accidently, while under the influence. Because of their interest or endeavors, we would give them some complimentary tickets for each show.

     The police generally did a good job, but occasionally they received some uncomplimentary if not downright bad press. One such instance happened while we were in town. The headline said, “All the Toilets in New York’s Police Stations Have Been Stolen. Police Have Nothing To Go On.”