Yeah, That’s the First Thing You’d Want to Do

    A mother and her 10-year old were in a dressing room of an Adidas store in the mall. The boy found what he thought was a toy gun under the bench. The mother took the gun and first thing, pulled the trigger to find out if the gun was real. The gun fired a shot, which went through the wall of the dressing room. 

    I’m assuming both the mother and son concluded that the gun was real. Luckily no one was hurt. 

    Now, this happened in Georgia, which is not one of the six states in the country where a handgun must be registered, neither is there any waiting period in Georgia for purchasing a gun. In a state that is not very restrictive on gun control, I would expect the average citizen to be more familiar with gun- handling protocol. 

    That’s where the report ended, leaving several questions; how did the people in the next dressing room feel about a slug coming through the wall? And, did that woman learn anything about gun handling? 

 Okay, What Should I Do This Time? 

    In the state of New York there is a young man who has had his driver’s license suspended 81 times. He is only 21 years old. So we can’t say this young man hasn’t been busy. At 21 he’s been driving for let’s say 4.5 years. That means he’s had his license suspended every 20 days. 

    Now a suspension can be triggered by the failure to pay a fine, or a failure to appear to answer charges. We don’t know what caused this young man’s suspensions. But every 20 days? Give me a break! This alone could keep a person busy. 

    He has now been arrested again, and what will happen to him we don’t know. If he was going for a Guinness record, he just may have succeeded.

Mommy, Who’s That Green Man Over There?

    According to the Associated Press, the folks in Hamburg, N. Y., recently had a kale-eating contest. Okay, you read that right; kale-eating contest. You know, that green leafy, bitter tasting plant that any good health-oriented cook book will tell you that you can’t live without---literally. 
    It’s been reported that goats have starved to death when there was ample supply of kale within reach. That may be an exaggeration. 
    The contestant who won this contest ate 22½ 16-ounce bowls in eight minutes. For you folks too lazy to do the math, is 22.5 pounds of kale. That’s a lot of kale. 
    One key factor the article didn’t mention was whether this kale was raw or cooked. If cooked into its normal slimy consistency, kale would slide down the contestant’s throat with little effort on his part. If it was raw and needed chewing, that’s a whole other endeavor. 
    This contestant is from Georgia. I don’t know if that gives him an advantage or not. The Georgians I’ve known were more into barbecue and things like that, and of course grits and boiled okra. Come to think of it kale is not as odd for these people as I first thought. Boiled kale and boiled okra would have a lot in common. 
    Good news from the health-promoting people, for this kale-eating person is that if he will repeat this performance twice a day for the rest of his life, it will increase his live span except for one thing. Of course, by that time he will have a green complexion, and his breath will exude an odor resembling a compost heap. He would live to the ripe of old age of 135, except that his digestive organs would give out about the second year he is on this diet. But, boy, would he be healthy in the meantime.

What Did They Say?
AOL News Strikes Again 

    First headline - 

 Details Revealed on Ex-Soviet Spy at Trump Jr. Meeting

   Which links to this second headline -

 Only One Person Who Fits Profile of Ex-Soviet Spy at Trump Jr. Meeting with Russian

    So between the first headline which talks about an “ex-soviet spy at Trump meeting” the news is then downgraded in the second headline to “a person who fits profile of ex-soviet spy.” Now we could walk down any street and find several people who fits the profile of an ex-military intelligence person. So already we get the idea that they are trying to make a story out of a non-story. Again. 

    Then we get to the actual article. They start by talking about a meeting “what was billed as possible dirt on Hillary Clinton.” Okay, “what was billed” means that they don’t really know what the meeting was about. “As possible dirt” again means that they are guessing. 

   And then NBC News claimed that one of the people at the meeting was a “former Soviet military intelligence officer-turned-lobbyist.” So military intelligence could mean a 007 type to the guy who sharpened the pencils at the office. 

    So, after two tantalizing headlines, they’ve come up with nothing substantive on a subject that had no purpose except to embarrass Trump Jr. But that would only work if you didn’t read anything past the first headline.

Wrong Hospital: What do you think? 

    Adam is in the hospital. Why? You ask. No? Well, maybe you should. 
    Adam’s there because he shot himself in the foot. Now I know that everyone metaphorically shoots themselves in the foot on occasion, and if not that, at least will put their foot in their mouth once in a while, but Adam is different. At the hospital, when they were filling out the paperwork and put down accidental gunshot to the foot, he corrected them with the news that it was not accidental but that he shot himself in the foot on purpose. 
   He did it once with his shoe on and then to see how it would feel, he did it again with his shoe off. 
    I think this guy is in the wrong kind of hospital. What do you think? 

A Good Story – Yes 

A True Story? – Well, Which Part Are You Talking About? 

   In Colorado, a man has home security camera footage of a bear that spent five hours trashing his house while he and his family slept. 
   That’s a good story, but it raises a few questions. 
   First, I’ve watched a bear ransacking a tent and another bear ransacking an auto and there was nothing quiet about either operation. Those bears didn’t seem to care if anyone heard them or not. So now we have a bear ransacking a house, including ripping off the kitchen door and looking in on the sleeping occupants, and does it quietly? This must be one extraordinary bear. 
   Or second, this guy and his family are the champions of heavy sleepers. 
   That the bear tore up the house I don’t question, but that the people were in the house at the time? For that I’d want some corroboration. 

 This Was One Way to Do It 

    A man in Michigan had a problem with bees in his garage. His solution was to use a smoke bomb to encourage them to leave. Well it worked. In the process, he ignited some fireworks that he had stored in the same garage. The exploding fireworks set his garage on fire and it burnt to the ground. When the firemen got there, they witnessed a good fireworks display. 
    The man hasn’t seen a bee since. Whether they left because of the smoke, or were scared away by the fireworks, nobody knows. Personally, I think they probably left the garage, but hung around for the rest of the fireworks display before moving into the guy’s house.

I Wonder How Much It Took to Insure a Safe Flight? 

    
    An 80-year old woman chucked some coins into the engine of an Airbus 320 before boarding. She was soliciting good luck from whoever she thought was in charge of meting out luck to people flying on Southern China air. Maybe she knew something of which the rest of the passengers weren’t aware. 
    The report said nothing about whether this is a common practice or not. Unless Southern China is covering up the stories and statistics I’m guessing that this is sort of an isolated case. Otherwise it would be sort of hard on business. I mean Chinese people are as interested in self-preservation as anyone else. 
    One question is, how did this lady get close enough to an engine so that she could toss coins into the thing. Now an Airbus 320 is a sizable plane, so it takes a sizable airport, and you’d think that a sizable airport would have people boarding this large plane through an jetway. In which case you don’t even get to see an engine, let alone get close enough to chuck loose change into one. 
     Southern China did admit that the incident delayed the flight for several hours. Really! 

 And You Thought Monopoly Was Just a Game 

     Now this is something that could catch on. A man was pulled over on a routine traffic stop. The officer realized that the guy he had stopped was wanted on an outstanding warrant for a controlled substance problem. The driver knew he was in trouble so to avoid arrest he whipped out and offered to the officer a Monopoly “Get Out of Jail Free” card. Nice try. He didn’t seem to be really surprised when it didn’t work. 
    I could see all of us carrying around Monopoly cards and money, using whichever was appropriate at any given time. Just maybe we would find ourselves dealing with someone who wasn’t paying as much attention as this traffic cop. 
    But I have one question. Who in the world carries around a “Get Out of Jail Free” card anyway?”

Why Did They Quit? 

    Whatever happened to the spectator sport of aliens abducting earthlings and taking them up into space ships, and doing probings and experiments and then letting them go? It dawned on me a couple days ago that that activity has ceased, or at least we’re not hearing about it anymore, which I can’t really buy into as people seem to feel it necessary to tell us about everything else that is happening in their lives. 
    Two possible conclusions leap to mind.
    One: The aliens, being smarter than we are have tired of the sport, or they have gathered all the information they think they can get from running experiments on humans, so have moved to some other inhabited planet.
    Two: After seeing what we are really like, they have moved an expeditionary group here to live among us, realizing we wouldn’t know the difference. Now don’t laugh. It’s hard to watch the network news, or look at the internet’s news or social media, or walk down the street of any large city and not conclude that some of these people have got to be from another planet. 
    So why should these aliens go to the bother of snatching people up into their vehicles, when they can live next door to us and study us at their leisure? This theory would explain things such as many of our politicians, many of what we call entertainment stars, and a few of our sports figures, just to name a few. 
    As for the probing’s and other experiments, it’s a little depressing to realize that these aliens think we’re such simple life forms that there is nothing more to learn from those processes.

The Iceman Cometh   

    What is it with motel/hotel ice buckets and the plastic liners that come with them. By including a plastic liner for their ice bucket the hotel immediately puts the idea into your head that the ice bucket is not sanitary. Right or wrong I’ve never questioned the fact that the ice bucket is filled with germs and any ice that touches the inside of the bucket should not be used for normal human consumption. I don’t, however, let this fact keep me from using ice that has been in contact with the bucket. My theory is that a few germs keeps the body on its toes, so to speak. But that’s another subject. Like I said, “normal human.” 
     And then there is the question of how sanitary the plastic liner is. It was probably made in some third-world disease-ridden environment by a manufacturer who was the low bidder for plastic ice bucket liners. He lowers his costs by hiring little kids, paying them very little, and offering them no sanitary amenities whatsoever. But I digress again. 
    The problem is that about ninety-nine percent of the time the plastic liner is not large enough to fit over the edge of the ice bucket, which is about the only way it can be filled. Either the hotel management does not have a clue as to how big their buckets are, or they’re just too cheap to buy a larger liner. 
    The result of this conundrum is that when you go to dump some ice in the bucket the ice just crushes the bag to the bottom of the bucket making it worthless. 
    So, what does the hotel expect their guests to do? Try to hold only the bag under the ice-machine spout, them put the filled bag in the bucket? Well, good luck with that.     Or maybe the impossible scenario they present us with is to discourage us from using their ice in the first place. Yet another misguided money saving idea. 
    So, what’s the solution? How about carrying your own ice-bucket liners, say like a Ziplock freezer bag. You’re welcome.