Yeah, That’s Me 
     A couple days ago Hannah, one of our granddaughters, along with her boyfriend, Tommy, stopped by for a short visit, during which the subject of golf, broken windows, and stuff like that came up. 
     I mentioned that since living here I had picked up about 175 golf balls out of the yard and nearby rough. Of course the ones out of the rough are picked up after play is done for the day. I’ve been told that a club rule is that lost balls cannot be picked up while they’re still rolling. Go figure. 
     I explained to our visitors that when I was young I played golf with my two brothers. Green fees were bad enough, but having to buy balls was really painful, so finding a lost ball to add to our inventory was always a big deal. To this day, I feel as though I’ve won the lottery whenever I find a golf ball, even if I’ve no idea what I’m going to do with the thing. I do play golf, but haven’t done so for at least fifteen years. Figure that out. 
     So this morning I came into my office to write a little before having some breakfast, such as it was going to be. The first thing I noticed was a bright pink golf ball nestled under the juniper tree in the rough just across the fence and outside my office window. (The rough inside my office window is another matter.) I would look up every few minutes to check on my ball. Golfers came and went, my ball was still there. Maintenance people came and went, and my ball was still there. After about two hours of this I visualized myself as that squirrel in the movie, Ice Age. The one that’s fixated on acorns. I had to laugh, realizing I was not that different. 
    As you can see, my psychosis was brought on by my association with my two brothers. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 
    Mid morning I had to run some errands. When I got back my ball had disappeared. It was probably taken by one of the old codgers who play this course. These guys will steal anything that’s not tied down. Well, at least lost golf balls. 
    Or maybe it’s ISIS just trying to aggravate me, again. (Long story there, but I’ll not burden you with it.) 
    It’s getting so you can’t trust anyone anymore.

Check Out A Book or Pet The Cat? Hmmm 

     A report filed by Ben Hooper tells us about a town in Texas that has a cat who lives in the city library. It seems that this cat is a fixture there and is beloved by everybody. Well, maybe not quite everybody. 
     Some time back the city council voted to evict the cat from the library. The only hint of why they took this drastic step is a statement later by the Mayor who claims that the library has an air purifying system that removes 99 percent of any allergens. 
     So someone who is probably allergic to cats made a fuss and the council thought they’d just eject the cat and all would be well. 
     Well think again. 
     The people who were opposed to the cat being evicted went onto Facebook and denounced the town council and asked for the return of the cat. 
     The council started getting email and Facebook postings from all over the world, asking why they were persecuting this poor book-loving cat. By the way, the cat’s name is Browser. Cute, huh? 
     The Mayor pointed out that he had not voted for eviction to begin with, and that it was a mistake, and thereafter referred to the other council members as ‘they’. No wonder he’s Mayor, what with having obviously superior political skills. 
      The end result is that the council reversed it’s decision and now Brower is back, overseeing the operation of the library. 
      The one thing I found interesting is the comments of the councilman who initiated the eviction. He said: "If we would just get people out here in this city to stay off of this media, this wouldn't have been this way." "Without social media, it never would have been more than a local story." "Things happen inside a city that shouldn't be publicized outside." "There's no need to jump on Facebook. I think Facebook and the social media [are] a bad thing. I sure do." 
      There you have it. I wonder if this gentleman still thinks the earth is flat? Just asking.

Selecting a Vice President – May God Help Her or Him 

       Right now we have both the Republican and Democratic presumptive, uh, just a minute. Is this the first time the word presumptive has been used to describe a possible presidential candidate? I don’t remember hearing it used in this context before. Maybe I’ve just not been paying attention. I think I’ve been accused of that once or twice before. 
      But I digress. 
      I looked up the word in my Oxford English Dictionary. Of course, this is an English publication. Paraphrasing Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady, the English and Americans haven’t spoken the same language for over 100 years. 
      But I digress again. 
      My dictionary gives this blurp on the word “Presumptive – adjective, presumed in the absence of further information, or behaving with disrespectful boldness; presumptuous.” 
     For the word presumptuous I get “Presumptuous - adjective - behaving with disrespectful boldness.” 
     Okay, I can see that all in both candidates. 
     Back to the start: We have both candidates trotting out one possible VP after another. I think they’re hoping the public will latch onto one of these possible running mates and give the candidates some direction on who to choose. No matter if each choice may or may not be any good at actually being a VP. 
      Why either candidate thinks the general public has the knowledge or skills to pick a viable VP is questionable. After all, look who the majority of them voted for in the primaries. 
      The whole thing reminds me of a horse auction, where the possible buyers get to inspect the merchandise before the auction begins. You know, checking their teeth, feeling the legs for scars from past surgeries or fractures, running the hands over the whole horse, like they know what they’re doing, asking about the gasping sound the horse is making, like it just galloped all the way to the sale. And asking why the middle of the back is so noticeable lower than the withers or its croup or why it only stands on three legs (My grand niece and nephew, Tara and John, sure could have been a help with this part.) 
     Anyway, that’s what the American public is doing to these VP possibles. 
      Either each candidate is unsure of their own ability to choose a running mate, or both candidates are just pimping out a stable of VP choices to see who gets the most action. 
      If nothing else, it’s slightly entertaining. 
      I just feel sorry for the poor schmucks who get picked.

Pardon Me While I Enjoy A Little Rant 

     Today I noticed a news blurp reporting Caitlyn Jenner saying, “Trump seems to be very much for women.” First of all, that statement doesn’t tell us anything, so why is it news? Only because it’s Caitlyn Jenner saying it.
     And who cares? 
     The answer to that question is the company producing the news. They know that enough people will read the news report and the ads that go along with it, just because they want to know what Caitlyn has to say. And that’s the bottom line for the purveyors of the news. They are big business just like General Motors, or the pharmaceutical companies. They need to make a profit to satisfy their stockholders, and if using some inane statement from Caitlyn Jenner to attract the reader’s attention and draw them to the advertising, then so be it. And I don’t blame them for a second. They have to make a profit to stay in business. 
     But back to where I was going with this at the beginning. Why is it such news when a ‘celebrity’ makes some political pronouncement? When they support this or that candidate, why are we subjected to their opinions? Again, only because of their celebrity status. 
     When George Clooney (he just happens to be another one I’ve noticed lately), announces his support for Hillary, why is that news and why should I be influenced by what he thinks? Now I have nothing against George Clooney. He’s a better than average actor (that’s my opinion), and he’s maybe a nice enough person (I’ve not met him). But I’ve no evidence at all to gauge whether he has the background or the inherited or learned skills to determine accurately who would make a good president.
      It’s like someone asking me what type of nuclear reactor they should put into their next submarine. 
     Now I could give them pointers on the management abilities of the people doing the work, because I have some expertise in that area, but nuclear reactors? No way. And no one with any sense would be influenced by my opinion on that subject. 
     But if a ‘celebrity,’ like Sean Connery (remember The Hunt For Red October?), gives an opinion on which nuclear reactor to use, a whole bunch of people would say, “There you go, that’s the one we should be using.” Now again, I think Sean is one of the better actors and I enjoy his work, but I’m guessing his knowledge on nuclear reactors is about as limited as mine. If I’m wrong, Sean, I apologize. 
     It would be refreshing if a reporter would ask Joe Somebody’s Neighbor, who he was going to vote for, then printed his answer in a news report. You know why they don’t? The few people who would start reading would finally say, “Who’s Joe S. Neighbor anyway, I never heard of this guy,” and last, “why am I reading this?” 
     The determining factor for the company producing this news report is that their readers would stop before getting to the attached ads. There would not be any possible profit in this news story. 
    What I’m trying to say is that it bothers me a little that people will take the advice of some ‘celebrity’ on any subject, just because they are a ‘celebrity’. 
    The fact that the news producing company takes advantage of this tendency to make money, is just business.

Picture This 

      You’re idling along across the Serengeti Plain, riding in the back of an open-topped truck along with about a dozen other people who want to look at and photograph the wildlife that is all around you. The bed of the truck is high enough off the ground to discourage all but the most determined wild animal from reaching you. Of course the giraffes and elephants have no problem getting to you if they want. And of course the cats can climb in to join you, like I said, if they are determined, hungry, or pissed off enough. 
      You and your fellow travelers are enjoying the sights and sounds and the photographic opportunities. You’ve been traveling together for about a week, and gotten to know each other, so there is a certain amount of casual camaraderie. 
      Then, one of your fellow travelers, a woman to be exact, stands up in the front of the group, holds up a bottle of ‘Extreme Unplug’ and asks, “How many of you are having or have had a problem with constipation? 
       Now, in your wildest imagination can you see this group ignoring all the natural beauty around them and getting into a serious discussion about the state of their possibly uncooperative bowels?    
     Or more likely, can you see this group getting to their feet and pitching this laxative purveyor over the side to hopefully get eaten by the local fauna. 
      What brought on this scenario is a current ad, which follows the above script, give or take. And since I’ve not watched the whole ad, I can’t attest to what happens to this lady and her laxative. I know what I would have voted for if I had been on the back of that truck.

How Do You Know If You Are Cut Out For A Specific Occupation? 

     One way to find out is the ‘try it’ method. This is probably what this gentleman in Lexington, Kentucky, had in mind. 
     This man stopped by a Chuck E. Cheese’s and picked up a job application. Later that day he came back for an interview. During the interview he announced that he was robbing the place. To support his demands he hinted at the fact that he had a gun, although no one saw it. 
     The manager told this wanna-be robber that he didn’t have access to the safe, and asked him to leave. 
     According to police, the man apologized to the employees and then started to cry. 
     Many people would wonder how they’d do at robbery as an occupation, but wouldn’t have the guts to actually try it. This gentleman did. So it didn’t work. At least now he knows, and when the justice system is done with him he can try something else.